Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About two minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket and picked up some groceries, along with what I thought was a bag of chips. I ripped it open in the car and realized it was a bag of birdseed. As I spat out the birdseed through the car's open window and tried to clean the mess, a pigeon flew into my car and attacked me. FML
Today, I felt like surprising my coworkers by bringing donuts. Feeling generous, I got a dozen from the most reputable bakery in town. On my way to the office, I tripped, and the box flew open, scattering donuts everywhere. A group of pigeons swooped in and devoured them before I could recover. I spent $30 on pigeon breakfast. FML
Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML
Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
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Top comments
papertigers_fml 0
a truck? on the street? what are the chances?! it's not your fault, you couldn't possibly have known.
ijaywalk 0
Best FML ever. Now hunt down the survivors! YDI for awesomeness, coz your life totally doesn't suck.
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Comments (363)
SimpleSimon 0
This FML becomes hilarious if you move the punctuation around in the last two sentences: "... a truck drove by, only, four survived. FML"
Antivirus_fml 0
Win!
LordOfTheHobos 0
That doesn't make any sense.
SimpleSimon 0
It does make sense. What you mean is 'I don't understand'.
LordOfTheHobos 0
No, that sentence does not make sense grammatically.
SimpleSimon 0
You seem to be confusing a lack of comprehension on your part with a lack of grammatical correctness on mine.
LordOfTheHobos 0
No, that sentence does not make sense. Tell me what you are trying to say, because simply putting commas there isn't cutting it.
SimpleSimon 0
I hope/assume you've at least worked out my intended meaning, even if you will insist I've written it wrongly. "Only - With the unfortunate or negative result that." i.e, the flock of pigeons flew into the path on an oncoming truck, UNFORTUNATELY, four survived. Get it now? Subtle changes in the punctuation dramatically alter the tone, and thus the perceived meaning of a sentence. I could have simply added a comma after 'Only' in the OPs last sentence, which would suggest the correct tone, however, I felt it would read more naturally if I amalgamated the final two sentences.
bahdspeler 0
I know what I'm doing tomorrow.
CRASHDiet 0
LMAO!!!
TrollsHaveSouls 0
eating with a friend?
aback 5
It's not like there's a shortage of the ******* things. OTOH, sounds like you let Darwin select for the smarter ones. Not necessarily a good thing.
blorgassborg 1
Why is FML for 12 year olds now. I mean "get the guts to spill the beans". Also what happened to the Flop FML's. Ya that is pretty funny in a way.
Rasputia 0
they're in the tops section, maybe you should actually click the button before you ask -_-
mich99 0
i feel sad for the birds
iLoveUnionJ 8
they're rats with wings. Gross >.>
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Funny as hell. But really.. you should have seen that one coming. Thats like throwing a shiny ball into the road when there are small children around.... hey now... that's an idea! :-P
brigitte_____ 1
LOL! Thats a brilliant idea ;)
RLJJ 0
That's not an FML... Even if you didn't do it on purpose that was really a good deed !
avalanche719 0
I'm not even gonna vote. That's a WIN not a FML. Way to kill Rats of the sky. Cheers!
sayhello_fml 0
Thank you! I'm terrified of pigeons. I feel like they're going to shit on me every time I see them flying.
mandy23q 0
ohh me too =)
dudemitch 0
a pigeon almost landed on my head once in chicago so i swung at it to scare it off and some crazy homeless man looked at me and said "dont **** with that bird, that bird will fuuuuuckk yooouuu up" in a slow creepy voice ahaha i shoulda thrown a fry into the road maybe i coulda taken care of em both!
luxferre 0
That's hilarious!
airplanefood 0
Hahaha CREEPY. That sounds like a line from a movie.
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
LMFAO!