Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep.... - FML

By kbartlett86 - 24/6/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

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Compassion

The student becomes the master

Mixed signals

By froggylicious - 16/8/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

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By notyouraverageteenager - 10/6/2010 07:06 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

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By Username - 4/2/2011 08:11

Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML

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By ilovemybrother - 28/10/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

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By christian9294 - 8/2/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

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By Dominic - 14/6/2009 19:14 - Canada

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2019 11:00 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, i was trying to be sexy and sent my new bf a nude. Before we started dating I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2015 18:05 - United States - Mankato

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

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By katie - 23/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

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By Username - 18/2/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

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By oppsiedaisey - 2/9/2019 12:00

Finally!

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

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By maddieex - 4/12/2014 02:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

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By goodlkjh - 24/4/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

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By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/8/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

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By minimum wage - 2/4/2012 08:38 - Canada

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - 14/4/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By tryandtryagain - 28/4/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 05:00

Extreme drying

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 21:12 - United States - Rockville

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

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By leftbehind - 10/6/2011 11:40 - Colombia

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

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By anonymous - 28/12/2011 18:03 - Canada

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

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By Crawlinginmymemes - 2/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2014 21:52 - Belgium

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

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By Marriedtoajew - 3/1/2018 19:00

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 00:50 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 02:31 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

The straights are at it again

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

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By Disappointed - 30/5/2015 20:05 - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By Username - 11/6/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

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By lonely - 15/4/2013 03:45 - United States

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

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By notanidiot - 20/6/2012 12:46 - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

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By Joe - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 20:00

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

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By - - 9/11/2010 00:38 - United States

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

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By k.k. - 5/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Seymour

Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#1042025 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

I bet he felt like an ass when you finally told him your leg was just asleep. Assuming you had the balls to speak up.

By boating_guy | 33

#1042027 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

um....explain it to him?

it's not that hard

COMMENTS

By watermelon1 | 34

#1042018 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:53

Easily mistakable

Reply

amerrah | 4

#1042029 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:55

Haha tell him not to be an asshole at work :P

Reply

Slappyzezima | 0

#1042031 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:55

if I were you, I would have shot my boss square in the head for even daring to squeeze my potato!

Reply

seanreddog | 4

#1042040 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:57

Why don't you tell your supervisor this instead of FML? Anyways you should get up every once in while ta stretch.

Reply

dangitsalex | 2

#1042048 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:02

YDI for getting something at work that causes more blood to go somewhere else than your legs.

Reply

Moshpoint0 | 0

#1042050 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:03

Put a brain eating amoeba in his coffee, and then lecture him on his motor functions.

Reply

tman118 | 0

#1042056 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:06

fucking retarded spook

Reply

bcoolplz | 1

#1042068 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:15

maybe your boss was drunk

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1042098 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:44

I woulda thought you had a turd stuck in your butthole

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1042102 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:47

that happened to me and I fell over..at school.. hahah 49

Reply

JGood09 | 0

#1042137 - Friday 25 June 2010 2:38

That's why you move your legs around when you sit for along time ya idiot

Reply

KoRn_Freak | 0

#1042181 - Friday 25 June 2010 3:01

LMAO me too, 49!!!

Reply

JGood09 | 0

#1042256 - Friday 25 June 2010 3:57

Yea you sure know about things being in your butthole huh 49?

Reply

LoneliestxHobo | 0

#1042287 - Friday 25 June 2010 4:22

haha nice one 23, a penis joke

Reply

lololol247 | 0

#1042335 - Friday 25 June 2010 5:18

Then you get pins and needles and it tickles to walk. Haha your boss would probably think you were on crack.

Reply

lonesomeXheartbr | 0

#1042417 - Friday 25 June 2010 6:44

squeeze my potato? lol

Reply

Mimasita | 1

#1043817 - Saturday 26 June 2010 1:24

oh gosh. i have to STAND all day at work so my feet hurt instead. lol it sucks sitting or standing the whole day.
FYL

By sleephunters | 8

#1042019 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:53

FYL!

Reply

srammer8 | 0

#1042083 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:27

u fail

Reply

msjel | 0

#1042399 - Friday 25 June 2010 6:25

This happened to me once at school when I had to get up in front of the entire class. It was super embarassing.

By the_Flirt | 0

#1042020 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:53

wow were a power balance

Reply

mcrluverchick | 9

#1042035 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:56

cool hair :)

Reply

My_Deathbed | 0

#1042146 - Friday 25 June 2010 2:42

.

By coballan55 | 0

#1042023 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:53

stop being fat and having poor circulation

Reply

Dydy_fml | 0

#1042033 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:55

LOL

Reply

KoRn_Freak | 0

#1042186 - Friday 25 June 2010 3:03

I know, in not fat and my legs always fall to sleep!!!!

Reply

ojr420 | 0

#1675578 - Wednesday 10 November 2010 7:36

dude don't be a douche, it happens to slot of people due to sudden changes in blood pressure when you move from a neutral position to standing or walking

By drpepperrules | 0

#1042024 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

I've had that happen! it sucks

By Mirorbo | 26

#1042025 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

I bet he felt like an ass when you finally told him your leg was just asleep. Assuming you had the balls to speak up.

By StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1042026 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

Lecture him about being a dick at work

By boating_guy | 33

#1042027 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:54

um....explain it to him?

it's not that hard

By lovinit5683 | 0

#1042028 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:55

Haha,
Perfect time to fall over OP, then he has a reason to lecture!

By 2igutierrez31 | 2

#1042037 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:56

should have walked around b4 ur break

Reply

Moshpoint0 | 0

#1042054 - Friday 25 June 2010 1:05

Damn you, comment bug. And AF.