Work: Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep....

By kbartlett86 - 24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 4 598

Work

Another great day to be alive

Once bitten…

Great parenting, mom

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 491

You deserved it 8 650

By nicki - 14/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 395

You deserved it 8 096

By Anonymous - 08/05/2019 23:00

Today, my husband argued that it's not cheating if he's using his brother's Facebook account to talk to other women, because they think it's him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 142

By Animeislyfe - 25/08/2015 02:56 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 118

You deserved it 7 580

By coldasfire - 29/03/2015 21:18 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 2 462

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 28 755

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 252

You deserved it 6 456

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 482

You deserved it 67 292

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 952

You deserved it 38 564

By StomachofTinfoil - 24/11/2014 01:59 - United States - Bar Harbor

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 3 578

Thanks for your service

By really - 19/02/2013 15:27 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 636

You deserved it 8 513

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 12:38

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 259

You deserved it 4 386

By winks - 09/11/2016 19:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 500

You deserved it 1 699

By Ella - 24/07/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 335

You deserved it 28 189

Quick Stop

By poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 200

You deserved it 8 704

Eye-bleach please

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 14:00

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 262

By BasicallySodaFlavoredWater - 14/12/2015 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 022

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 28/08/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 3 077

By The Sbeak - 13/02/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555 535

You deserved it 45 284

Butt-dial

By I'm a recurring amateur porn consumer but this is bollocks. - 21/09/2021 23:00

Today, my father sent me a video via Whatsapp. In it, he was cheating on my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 55

By NeverEndingBathtime_ - 03/08/2017 20:00

Today, my 2 year old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (it took me 2 seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 1 043

By racoonface - 19/04/2009 15:17 - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 633

You deserved it 54 634

By Raven - 31/12/2016 17:24 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 130

By herdopera - 29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 219

Oh, hai Mark!

By SHAME! - 20/05/2019 16:02

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 1 870

By anonymous - 24/06/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 730

You deserved it 3 694

By Roger Quimble - 24/05/2019 00:04

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 234

By Loveless - 23/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 4 574

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 336

You deserved it 20 846

By brittrus - 08/05/2015 13:44 - Canada - Milton

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 3 258

By Kate - 04/07/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 3 920

Just a prank, bro

By iscreamforicecream - 01/06/2011 11:53 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 374

You deserved it 5 729

OK Shaggy

By Notakidpusher - 24/11/2015 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 122

You deserved it 1 417

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 204

You deserved it 31 617

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 2 448

By Kere - 03/02/2011 16:42 - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 729

You deserved it 6 624

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 505

You deserved it 9 761

By S. Fancyson - 16/04/2013 23:23 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 349

You deserved it 9 616

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