Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 782

You deserved it 6 141

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 584

You deserved it 2 878

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 109

You deserved it 6 092

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 157

You deserved it 2 590

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 209

You deserved it 2 849

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 540

You deserved it 10 545

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 4 831

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 688

You deserved it 3 501

By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 860

You deserved it 6 555

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 191

You deserved it 1 493

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 366

You deserved it 4 432

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

Welshite 39

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:48

I've...uhh...had a cucumber without a "drink" before.

aligater10 7

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:49

Hey, they know what they're talking about.

mdsummrsnght 17

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:54

Hysterical!!! Wish there was a 'like' button!

Zaros_fml 24

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:31

It's called "add to favorites"

buddy51 23

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:58

Awww Grammaw! Just brim full of wrinkles, sagging flesh, and helpful advice... She forgot to mention that you've got to peel that thing too or you'll get internally abraded by the little spikes all over it.... unless you're into that, OP, unless you're into that.....

Xotoolyxo 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:02

She's a freak(;

Enslaved 36

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:53

More like --"She's a SUPER freak, super freak She's super-freaky, yow!"

doitlikeabrotha 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:03

I know this is creepy, but she was being nice....?

Turtle_rebellion 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:03

If that's what she meant, why not just say it instead of something like this that can be so easily misinterpreted?

Kateyez_26 13

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:03

TMI old lady!!!

mulumequitem 6

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:09

That old lady should wear a robe and live at the top of a mountain, for young people to climb up to the top of and ask for her sexual wisdom, and knowledge.