Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
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Top comments
AllegroRubato 16
Veteran of a thousand wars.
JoeGrant 12
Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...
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Comments (137)
emilie_gambii 9
Mmhmm salad suuuure
Ambient25 24
I guess some people don't understand the subtleties of tossing a salad....giggity
football98_fml 20
you shudve told her i prefer to use cactus
30361 10
*Should've, Really?
adam3650 12
To be fair, i think should've is the least of your worries with that statement.
laden_swallow09 34
16- Why? Seriously, why? It wouldn't have made it any less embarrassing, just more stupid.
SizzlePink 4
it would bring laughter into the situation duhh
TylerBurden 21
What a nice advice! Creepy old cucumber lady.
amy6703 6
You should have held up a bottle of ranch dressing and gave her a thumbs up
Darren22 12
at least she knows what she' s doing ;-)
tacojauns 45
What? isnt lubing up the cucumber while cutting it going to make it easier for you to get hurt? oh OH
NoDontKillMe 19
Suuuuureee...
kasmol 16
I don't remember Dear Abby ever being that helpful.
Wolstenholme 11
I've seen lots of epic grandmothers on this website, but this is one of the epicest.