Miscellaneous: Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit...

By ihatemakingnames - 05/03/2013 00:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 150

You deserved it 2 748

Miscellaneous

Triage

You tried

Shidding and farding

By Anonymous - 19/03/2014 10:34 - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 543

You deserved it 3 824

By peachmelba - 01/02/2011 20:26 - Denmark

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 705

You deserved it 4 673

By daughter of a gullible cunt - 13/01/2013 21:02 - Australia

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 686

You deserved it 2 663

By sigsigsignify - 06/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 382

By estephi - 09/02/2010 08:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 033

You deserved it 3 105

By Ansharus - 06/06/2016 13:47 - Belgium - Londerzeel

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 766

You deserved it 3 994

By apparentlyunattractive - 07/06/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 926

You deserved it 7 425

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 95

By asleepinclass - 16/03/2009 17:18 - Poland

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 771

You deserved it 40 089

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 7 575

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 022

You deserved it 85 114

By scared shitless in ohio - 25/09/2013 20:02 - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 5 512

By reptar2009 - 02/12/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 86 897

By zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments - 01/02/2014 08:11 - United States - Montgomery

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 103

You deserved it 6 388

By dafuqdidisee - 19/05/2013 06:30 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 809

You deserved it 5 287

By Argh - 03/11/2013 20:18 - France - Saivres

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 848

You deserved it 9 255

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 17 201

By dontbuysamsung - 22/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 5 733

By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 667

You deserved it 4 108

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 165

Fancy a pint?

By Anonymous - 04/09/2020 22:02 - United States - Tyler

Today, while I was relaxing outside drinking a beer after a long day, a moth decided to fly right into my ear canal. I instinctively threw my hand up to swat it out. With the same hand holding the beer. I soaked the side of my face and down my ear. At least I got the bug out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 272

PokeCrash

By BrokenPoke - 09/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 498

You deserved it 902

By musik_ist_liebe - 21/03/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 944

You deserved it 63 714

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 10:44 - Malaysia

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 676

You deserved it 5 187

By acorn - 08/08/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 7 783

By Eddy - 14/03/2015 03:27 - United States - Mountain Pine

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 318

You deserved it 3 799

Artistic licence

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 14:00

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 665

By Username - 04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 201

You deserved it 4 096

By StillDrowsy - 09/10/2009 12:29 - United States

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 7 330

By SickMaMa - 09/12/2014 22:39 - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 726

You deserved it 4 036

Hair care

By hairball - 22/04/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 722

You deserved it 28 621

By theguy24 - 27/01/2009 12:47 - United States

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 476

You deserved it 8 937

By Adoptee - 22/05/2011 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 555

You deserved it 4 339

Agony

By ... - 02/10/2012 20:55 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 274

You deserved it 1 774

By Mom2boysonly - 15/06/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 362

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 13 951

By bob - 07/02/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 2 598

By rmonk - 24/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 674

You deserved it 22 824

Libertarian dream

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 11:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, it's been 50 hours since our power outage began. The authorities don't seem to be bothered enough to fix the problem and are constantly making excuses for delays. Did I mention my warm water fish are dying from lack of heat, and it's my time off work? FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 69

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 508

You deserved it 31 778

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

CheeseHater 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:18

What about your ass hair?

CareFace 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:23

I'm 20 and can't grow a beard... It's ok, we can "wow" the ladies with our strikingly smooth baby faces. ;)

CheeseHater 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:18

What about your ass hair?

lambda_fml 40

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:35

Dont forget the pubes!

node_fml 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 11:38

Quite funny, right, ripping good laugh.

bybib 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:19

Beards aren't all that anyway.

picante72 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 11:07

They are if you are Chuck Norris. Behind his beard is another fist.

sonicgreg 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 12:52

9... Wtf?

laden_swallow09 34

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 13:15

9- Your "joke" made no sense. Sexual preference has little to do with one's preference for or against facial hair. You're gay, we get it. Please, get your mind out of your rut and try being relevant.

neilykins 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 13:18

A 'beard' also refers to the girlfriend of a gay man. So, he's hiding behind his beard.

JoeRogansBEARD 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 15:26

HOW DARE YOU

DanielT1994 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 15:30

I'm struggling to understand how you could relate beards an speaking Italian.

Shafreeka 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 18:43

35 - Family Guy.

akiahara 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 18:52

31, I'm pretty sure it was a moustache.

wolfgold2 20

Send a private message

Friday 19 July 2013 22:50

tell that to the Beardman

CareFace 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:23

I'm 20 and can't grow a beard... It's ok, we can "wow" the ladies with our strikingly smooth baby faces. ;)

BulldogHoops 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 15:05

Trust me that doesn't work

lec17 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 18:04

true, I love baby faces

Pwib 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 March 2013 8:42

3's name is very relevant.

JustAGirlOnFML 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:27

Glue on the hair you shaved off.

klutz44 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 10:51

The only thing sexier than a beard is other body hair glued to your face.

picante72 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 11:05

This reminded me of the stunt in Jackass 2 when they glue pubes on a mans face to make a beard. The hair came from a dozen people. Some of the pubes had crabs crawling around. "Shudders"

ShyAnn29 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 14:55

17 that is just nasty!!

XxQuartersxX 14

Send a private message

Saturday 7 September 2013 7:52

Awesome comment.

snufflebubble 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:27

Hmmm... My boyfriend grows a beard ridiculously fast and it is definitely NOT a positive. That shit itches ;)

Pleonasm 35

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 16:52

I guess it depends from person to person, because in France we kiss each other on the cheeks to greet, and people I know always say my beard is soft.

Enslaved 36

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:27

I've heard that there are quite a few guys that can't grow in a beard (just patches). Shame, some guys look great with them. Ex: Dave Navarro! :D

nousernamesworks 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:28

Why do you hate making names though?

EpicSquishii 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 10:53

Your user name and his make quite the pair

Epikouros 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 12:07

Because everybody will call him Frodo anyway.

lambda_fml 40

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:33

Hobbits cant grow a beard I believe.

Bubbelz 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 13:02

They may grow huge sideburns though. Although you never know with all of that uncontrollable ear hair.

Bakarra 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 9:40

On the bright side you won't ever have a girl complain about hating your facial hair when she kisses you, speaking from my own similar non-experience :D