Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML
Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I saw a little boy wandering in the supermarket looking lost and distraught. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey buddy, where’s your mommy?” He screamed, “STRANGER DANGER!” and kicked me in the shin. His actual mom wandered over from the cheese section, gave me a dirty look, and walked off. FML.
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
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Top comments
englishmuffin 0
wow horrible luck though i don't know if i'd kick things just out of instinct
tikimuppet 11
I would probably have done a similar thing
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Comments (299)
manderpander 0
Are you kidding? After being harassed by men since puberty, you ******* bet I'm going to kick if I see someone looking at me while I'm changing.
jmeg_fml 0
lol you have some killer "instinct." you might wanna try not destroying everything that moves. anyway... at least kid's learning his lesson early.
drkangl8dj 0
Honestly kid or not, I'd have kicked too... Too manu sick ***** out there. For the mother of the child, you needa go shopping take the kid with you park his ass outsite the door and him if he moves you're selling him to gypsies, worked on my cousins fine :)
wellchit 0
meh **** the little bastard. he should knock and ask.
drkangl8dj 0
To who ever said alert security, ill remember that the next time. Someone looks under my door and scares the shit outta me ill walk out half dressed looking for a guard.......seriously, who has time to react and check if it a kid or not?! I get startled I react, that dumb **** should know better and if the kid's mom has time to shop AND the moey hire a ****** babysitter problem solved!!!
FMLJena 0
LOL, That's horrible. But still, I actually lawled at that one.
cantth1nk0fnam3 3
not an fml. kid deserved it. just stay away from the mother.
ReconExpert 0
If I was the OP...I would first check if its a adult...then instead of kicking....curb stomp....
TiffJ16 0
You totally did the right thing. He should have been better supervised, and It's good you instinctively act like that, it may save you one day.
eccentrix 12
Just cover up.