Miscellaneous: Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while...

By gengiskarn69 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Extreme cooking

Bit on the side

By confusedcatlover - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

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2071

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124

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By draggirl - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

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35464

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By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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25569

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By petpeeeve - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

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113675

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By meagainsttheworld - United States

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

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38196

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Timing

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

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12290

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By Jonnyboo - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

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52460

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2778

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By James - 31/1/2021 20:00

Noise annoys

Today, I was apparently too noisy when I left for work. My options are either try to be more quiet when I leave or set my alarm later and then have no time for breakfast. I share a room with my nephew and I walk to work. FML

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677

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By heckinfrick - 8/10/2020 08:01

What a headache

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

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1197

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 11:02 - United States

Pleased to meet you

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

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By bdiddy - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

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39671

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By douglas - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

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40109

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By RAHrahRAH - Canada

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

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34334

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By ellinor - Sweden

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

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12462

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By Bearwaitressities - South Africa - Durban

Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML

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6180

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By eyegouger15 - United States

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

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23769

You deserved it

2575

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By avoid the sour cream - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

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38616

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By jester777 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

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12514

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By crazydog - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

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29586

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By BrittUnicorn - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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30553

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By thisisbad - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

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35906

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

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52798

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 14:05 - United States

Moving day, grandma

Today, after my daughter fell in love with a city I didn't want to move to and I caved to make her happy, after a year of which she got engaged at the age of 18 and moved with her fiancé back to his hometown not far from where we moved from, she called to tell me she's pregnant and my first grandchild will be hundreds of miles away. FML

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951

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By MissTrix - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

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31858

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By theothercassie

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

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36458

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By LIFT - 23/7/2020 08:01

Ant life

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML

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1437

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537

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By Anonymous - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

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39212

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By NoThanks - United States

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

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23359

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By forever dog-less

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

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2186

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180

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By nirvana_mama157 - United States

Today, my husband asked me, "Why do you love me?" I spent the next five minutes spilling my heart and soul out to him. After I'd asked the same question, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't." FML

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54949

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By sigh - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

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26588

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By QuestionMyLife - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

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27357

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13376

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By hot4donny - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

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9989

You deserved it

26887

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By Rizma - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

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34912

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31284

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By Anonymous - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

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40866

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By Anon. - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

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35960

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By Anonymous

Salad days

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

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8521

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Top comments

By DSfriscoe | 2

#4154649 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:31

At least he didn't punch you in the face.

By DocBastard | 38

#4154706 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:38

Who the fuck thinks it's funny to sneak up and try to scare people?

Oh right, your father does. Serves you right, asshat.

COMMENTS

By DSfriscoe | 2

#4154649 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:31

At least he didn't punch you in the face.

CoolBroStory | 7

#4154662 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:32

I am le carrot.

scottieclark | 4

#4154807 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:55

That's hilarious!

cradle6 | 13

#4155606 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:31

That's really where I thought this fml was going.

LolFMLnot | 10

#4155851 - Monday 12 March 2012 21:30

Well, that backfired.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4156076 - Monday 12 March 2012 22:56

Troll fail. Better luck next time, little bitch.

Jiplo | 18

#4157201 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 3:05

Epic backfired trolling.

Jonkbaby | 21

#4157343 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 3:41

man, f the briefcase's life

at0micmin3r | 23

#4183395 - Sunday 18 March 2012 23:59

This.

pedosmurf | 7

#5146200 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 0:16

Back down lil bitch haha

By lrgenesis | 19

#4154670 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:33

Hahahaha sounds like my dad. Shoulda punched him lol

nofearjenshere | 12

#4155566 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:24

Yeah, cause its always a great idea to punch your dad...

Pandacupcakelove | 26

#4155930 - Monday 12 March 2012 22:02

Dafuq..

hemz_fml | 13

#4160150 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:33

Haha at least u guys r having fun

By MellyBee | 9

#4154685 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:34

If you're willing to play a prank on someone then it should be okay for them to do it to you!

mikeman1744 | 18

#6347743 - Saturday 11 July 2015 20:24

he does seem like a little bitch

By immaMonsta | 8

#4154688 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:34

Ha, don't you love it when that happens?

By ALlamaOnFire | 20

#4154690 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:34

At least he didn't punch you in the junk*

Swiftly | 0

#4158068 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 6:12

Because the first place I aim when I'm going to hit someone is their dick...

GovernorGeneral | 8

#4158346 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 8:44

That is the first rule for self defence. Well its mostly the first...
- prepares for the downthumbs -
Im ready >:(

By DocBastard | 38

#4154706 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:38

Who the fuck thinks it's funny to sneak up and try to scare people?

Oh right, your father does. Serves you right, asshat.

annoytanor | 1

#4166453 - Thursday 15 March 2012 0:21

Ever heard of Halloween?

By danishbagel | 3

#4154716 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:40

Counter-pwnd!

DrMime | 10

#4154798 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:53

Cool story, bro.

j_cat187 | 19

#4154849 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:07

Counter strike

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4156112 - Monday 12 March 2012 23:10

Counter productive

LMA0 | 5

#4158236 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 7:19

Counter intuitive.

By DrMime | 10

#4154718 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:41

Troll dad always takes the cake! Or in this case, the fruit cake. Fruit cake means means gays! :D

iLikeSportz33 | 0

#4155671 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:42

Is this supposed to be funny?

theevilduchess | 12

#4155687 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:49

Gawd I hope not.

DrMime | 10

#4155713 - Monday 12 March 2012 20:55

What's a computer?

samikitty961 | 8

#4156026 - Monday 12 March 2012 22:46

I love DrMime!

By christinnaaa | 10

#4154728 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:43

hey at least you know you will be on top of your game when youre older. (;

By PaulB123 | 11

#4154730 - Monday 12 March 2012 19:43

Karma. Kar-ma!

Canucks8506 | 0

#4162723 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 9:31

Leafs suck.