Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety,... - FML

By cocacola999 - 3/5/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41629

You deserved it

7736

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Out of it

Social distancing gone wrong

By lonelyandcold - 5/12/2012 23:27 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27460

You deserved it

1826

Tweet

Share

By stink - 1/7/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28330

You deserved it

4940

Tweet

Share

By Chad - 14/8/2010 17:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35761

You deserved it

4042

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41451

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By paige - 1/4/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55595

You deserved it

5771

Tweet

Share

By coveredupforfun - 4/2/2015 03:13 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36899

You deserved it

6147

Tweet

Share

By pgmonster - 21/5/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29822

You deserved it

5341

Tweet

Share

By Confusedblonde - 30/4/2015 03:31 - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35738

You deserved it

6403

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42195

You deserved it

3878

Tweet

Share

By areyouserial - 5/12/2011 13:21 - United States

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27140

You deserved it

2968

Tweet

Share

By mmv - 18/9/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40881

You deserved it

2129

Tweet

Share

By Rar - 9/5/2015 17:13 - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30800

You deserved it

10031

Tweet

Share

By weddingblues - 30/5/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40474

You deserved it

23555

Tweet

Share

By scatter00x - 8/2/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

7032

Tweet

Share

By chawlay - 5/7/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38772

You deserved it

4599

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2020 01:00

Still alive?

Today, after finally having the guts to confess to a guy I have liked for a year now and him saying he also likes me and then asking me out, I went out of my way and traveled 4 hours to meet him. He didn't show up and never apologized. I never heard anything from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2469

You deserved it

236

Tweet

Share

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33291

You deserved it

1977

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks

68996

You deserved it

7720

Tweet

Share

By nose hurts - 30/12/2013 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31361

You deserved it

3446

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22848

You deserved it

37545

Tweet

Share

By "GumStickExtraGmail" - 14/9/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3606

You deserved it

581

Tweet

Share

By Christinemh329 - 17/2/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24643

You deserved it

2497

Tweet

Share

By Username - 4/8/2011 09:15 - United States

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35623

You deserved it

4857

Tweet

Share

By mattlikesfunions - 18/7/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11628

You deserved it

1216

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 26/6/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34646

You deserved it

8934

Tweet

Share

By =( - 15/2/2015 14:52 - Australia

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37638

You deserved it

4135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/8/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

On call

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1546

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Idiot - 22/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5791

You deserved it

1298

Tweet

Share

By katie876 - 14/1/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31053

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35544

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By dan - 19/11/2011 04:54 - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40126

You deserved it

8981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16396

You deserved it

42289

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 09:03 - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31982

You deserved it

3473

Tweet

Share

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27803

You deserved it

4284

Tweet

Share

By arse of fire :( - 23/2/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34000

You deserved it

3850

Tweet

Share

By Wronged - 21/9/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45413

You deserved it

3555

Tweet

Share

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23671

You deserved it

1533

Tweet

Share

By Lost5dollars - 8/8/2017 14:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4045

You deserved it

1057

Tweet

Share

By hardlyworking - 4/3/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7633

You deserved it

37589

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nederlander95 | 14

#5933897 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:19

That's when you offer to help get her loose and ready beforehand

By classiceagle63 | 16

#5933900 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Now only to over come awkwardness and awkward silence.

COMMENTS

By Nederlander95 | 14

#5933897 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:19

That's when you offer to help get her loose and ready beforehand

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5934027 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:17

what do you suggest she uses on her?

Reply

the_truth_lives | 9

#5934041 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:37

Well that escalated quickly.

Reply

BBlah | 26

#5934045 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:40

That would just make it more awkward, OP is a girl

Reply

billiejoeinabox | 7

#5934054 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:53

Who the hell came up with the whole "vaginas become loose after sex" bullshit? Vaginas go back to normal size after birth. That little toothpick you call your penis (Which OP likely doesn't even have) doesn't do anything to the size of it.

Reply

Joshwarrior | 38

#5934058 - Saturday 3 May 2014 22:00

Billie why so bent out of shape over a comment? lol maybe you need a toothpick inside you in order to losen up.

Reply

MortenM | 17

#5934082 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:13

#57 she could offer her a hand to loosen up

Reply

EnderWolf1013 | 9

#5934100 - Sunday 4 May 2014 0:07

shut up josh

Reply

buckdharma | 36

#5934106 - Sunday 4 May 2014 0:38

57- Perhaps a Pabst beer before her pap smear.

Reply

xsydneyx123 | 28

#5934314 - Sunday 4 May 2014 4:53

#65.. Lesbians exist. We aren't unicorns.

Reply

GRubi | 17

#5934359 - Sunday 4 May 2014 6:19

True, though it was kind of odd for #1 to just assume OP is a lesbian since the odds are relatively low.

Reply

Psufans | 7

#5934602 - Sunday 4 May 2014 15:37

How do you know OPs a girl?

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5934810 - Sunday 4 May 2014 21:48

Look up in the upper left hand corner next to the title of the FML, if on mobile device...

Reply

cgart96 | 14

#5935514 - Monday 5 May 2014 16:00

Unicorns exist. I refuse to believe any different.

By Nicholas12 | 15

#5933898 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

second

Reply

ComoEsJuan | 24

#5933917 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:24

You must be new here.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5933936 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:37

We don't give a shit!

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5933940 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:39

Lol, you made my day

Reply

Kayaytea | 18

#5933975 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:17

Congratulations?

By classiceagle63 | 16

#5933900 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Now only to over come awkwardness and awkward silence.

Reply

Lebeaugars95 | 20

#5936029 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 1:33

ask her if you can help her study for her gyno exam

By SaintJupiter | 16

#5933901 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Oh gosh. It happens to the best of us though mate. No worries.

By flamingice13 | 11

#5933902 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

yeah stay away from her :p

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5933950 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:51

Why?

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5933974 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:15

I was thinking more the second one, but I was more flustered that he'd said that.

By Jst4kicks | 16

#5933903 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

I agree with #1... you'll feel comfortable sooner or later.

By gunda95 | 11

#5933904 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

Smooth, you should have finished with, "Why go to the doctor; when I can check for you tonight!" ;)

Reply

garebear61 | 14

#5934065 - Saturday 3 May 2014 22:32

Don't forget to mention that appointments with you are much more affordable OP. :)

Reply

PewDiePie_Lover | 14

#5934076 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:00

because OP is a girl.

Reply

NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5934089 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:23

#74- And your point is???

Reply

just1n12 | 18

#6054670 - Tuesday 2 September 2014 11:15

That would be great #7 if OP was a guy :p Which she is not.

By DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5933906 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

Everyone has those moments, just keep trying and you'll get better at it.

By boating_guy | 33

#5933907 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:22

It's all right, that would have been WAY more awkward and worse if you were a guy

Reply

DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5933913 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:23

OP says nothing about his/her gender

Reply

iiMichy | 19

#5933920 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:27

It shows the female symbol beside OPs user name

Reply

AndreaJanell | 15

#5933922 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:28

OP's a girl...

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5933923 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:29

The OPs gender symbol is on the app and the website

Reply

AmexBlack | 24

#5933924 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:29

Her gender is displayed next to her name..

Reply

beelee1988 | 13

#5933965 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:07

How many more ways can we say OP is a female until you think he finally gets it? Lol

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5934008 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:54

OP is a person of the non-male gender. See, 39? There was at least one more way.

Reply

killinpoptarts | 9

#5934012 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:58

OP does not have a male sex organ. Also OP can procreate with someone of the male gender.

Reply

newzealand | 28

#5934016 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:03

Agreed, but sometimes a little YOLO goes a long way. Being fully serious about it though, you have to want to have a good time and commit!!

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5934028 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:19

54, ....what??

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#5934186 - Sunday 4 May 2014 2:02

is there a way I can downvote more than once? I don't feel giving one downvote per person is enough for yolo being used

By ZombieGirl95 | 13

#5933908 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:22

I would have asked the same thing haha