Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety,... - FML

By cocacola999 - 3/5/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

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Family values

Instadrama

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By bookbroke - 26/4/2016 04:27 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

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By englishfail - 15/1/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

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By Lily - 2/9/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2016 14:56 - Netherlands

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

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By anonymous - 22/12/2012 12:50 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By englishornah - 23/4/2015 02:53 - United States - Somerset

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

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By gt - 23/9/2010 00:52 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2015 18:56

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

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By messyvictor - 28/1/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

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By Nominome - 7/2/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2012 01:55 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

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By introuble - 23/8/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Clever girl.

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

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By NotYourToy - 27/1/2016 07:59 - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

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By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By Bg2466 - 15/8/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

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By kissandcontrol01 - 10/10/2015 04:22 - United States - Hanford

Today, I decided to take a well-deserved shower. When I let my hair down, twenty six cents fell onto the floor. I have no idea how they got there. FML

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By lachaisse - 12/5/2013 12:09 - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

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By gamerguru13 - 21/4/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 22:03 - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

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By Anonymus - 31/1/2020 20:00 - Canada - Warkworth

Money first

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

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By Sick'o'bitches - 4/9/2018 03:30

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 20:35 - United States - Tunkhannock

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

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By dmvfail - 15/9/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 01:10 - United States - Dayton

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

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By Oops - 9/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

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By Loner - 19/9/2017 19:30 - United States - Paramus

Today, my buddy congratulated me on getting a girl's phone number written on my arm. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was the number I needed to find my furniture at IKEA . FML

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By EpicFail - 25/1/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 05:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2014 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

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By almost - 22/8/2017 16:00

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a roller coaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

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By anon - 17/12/2015 18:45

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

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By anonymous - 4/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

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Top comments

By Nederlander95 | 14

#5933897 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:19

That's when you offer to help get her loose and ready beforehand

By classiceagle63 | 16

#5933900 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Now only to over come awkwardness and awkward silence.

Comments

By Nederlander95 | 14

#5933897 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:19

That's when you offer to help get her loose and ready beforehand

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5934027 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:17

what do you suggest she uses on her?

Reply

the_truth_lives | 9

#5934041 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:37

Well that escalated quickly.

Reply

BBlah | 26

#5934045 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:40

That would just make it more awkward, OP is a girl

Reply

billiejoeinabox | 7

#5934054 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:53

Who the hell came up with the whole "vaginas become loose after sex" bullshit? Vaginas go back to normal size after birth. That little toothpick you call your penis (Which OP likely doesn't even have) doesn't do anything to the size of it.

Reply

Joshwarrior | 38

#5934058 - Saturday 3 May 2014 22:00

Billie why so bent out of shape over a comment? lol maybe you need a toothpick inside you in order to losen up.

Reply

MortenM | 17

#5934082 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:13

#57 she could offer her a hand to loosen up

Reply

EnderWolf1013 | 9

#5934100 - Sunday 4 May 2014 0:07

shut up josh

Reply

buckdharma | 36

#5934106 - Sunday 4 May 2014 0:38

57- Perhaps a Pabst beer before her pap smear.

Reply

xsydneyx123 | 28

#5934314 - Sunday 4 May 2014 4:53

#65.. Lesbians exist. We aren't unicorns.

Reply

GRubi | 17

#5934359 - Sunday 4 May 2014 6:19

True, though it was kind of odd for #1 to just assume OP is a lesbian since the odds are relatively low.

Reply

Psufans | 7

#5934602 - Sunday 4 May 2014 15:37

How do you know OPs a girl?

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5934810 - Sunday 4 May 2014 21:48

Look up in the upper left hand corner next to the title of the FML, if on mobile device...

Reply

cgart96 | 14

#5935514 - Monday 5 May 2014 16:00

Unicorns exist. I refuse to believe any different.

By Nicholas12 | 15

#5933898 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

second

Reply

ComoEsJuan | 24

#5933917 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:24

You must be new here.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5933936 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:37

We don't give a shit!

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5933940 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:39

Lol, you made my day

Reply

Kayaytea | 18

#5933975 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:17

Congratulations?

By classiceagle63 | 16

#5933900 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Now only to over come awkwardness and awkward silence.

Reply

Lebeaugars95 | 20

#5936029 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 1:33

ask her if you can help her study for her gyno exam

By SaintJupiter | 16

#5933901 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

Oh gosh. It happens to the best of us though mate. No worries.

By flamingice13 | 11

#5933902 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:20

yeah stay away from her :p

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5933950 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:51

Why?

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#5933974 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:15

I was thinking more the second one, but I was more flustered that he'd said that.

By Jst4kicks | 16

#5933903 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

I agree with #1... you'll feel comfortable sooner or later.

By gunda95 | 11

#5933904 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

Smooth, you should have finished with, "Why go to the doctor; when I can check for you tonight!" ;)

Reply

garebear61 | 14

#5934065 - Saturday 3 May 2014 22:32

Don't forget to mention that appointments with you are much more affordable OP. :)

Reply

PewDiePie_Lover | 14

#5934076 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:00

because OP is a girl.

Reply

NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5934089 - Saturday 3 May 2014 23:23

#74- And your point is???

Reply

just1n12 | 18

#6054670 - Tuesday 2 September 2014 11:15

That would be great #7 if OP was a guy :p Which she is not.

By DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5933906 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:21

Everyone has those moments, just keep trying and you'll get better at it.

By boating_guy | 33

#5933907 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:22

It's all right, that would have been WAY more awkward and worse if you were a guy

Reply

DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5933913 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:23

OP says nothing about his/her gender

Reply

iiMichy | 19

#5933920 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:27

It shows the female symbol beside OPs user name

Reply

AndreaJanell | 15

#5933922 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:28

OP's a girl...

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5933923 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:29

The OPs gender symbol is on the app and the website

Reply

AmexBlack | 24

#5933924 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:29

Her gender is displayed next to her name..

Reply

beelee1988 | 13

#5933965 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:07

How many more ways can we say OP is a female until you think he finally gets it? Lol

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5934008 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:54

OP is a person of the non-male gender. See, 39? There was at least one more way.

Reply

killinpoptarts | 9

#5934012 - Saturday 3 May 2014 20:58

OP does not have a male sex organ. Also OP can procreate with someone of the male gender.

Reply

newzealand | 28

#5934016 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:03

Agreed, but sometimes a little YOLO goes a long way. Being fully serious about it though, you have to want to have a good time and commit!!

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5934028 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:19

54, ....what??

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#5934186 - Sunday 4 May 2014 2:02

is there a way I can downvote more than once? I don't feel giving one downvote per person is enough for yolo being used

By ZombieGirl95 | 13

#5933908 - Saturday 3 May 2014 19:22

I would have asked the same thing haha