Health: Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation....

By shatMyself - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52384

You deserved it

3406

Favorite

Health

Season finale

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Fancy a pint?

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36598

You deserved it

18276

Favorite

By single again - 6/4/2021 17:00

Women shouldn't fart?

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

389

You deserved it

2801

Favorite

By shalara - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25100

You deserved it

2440

Favorite

By thatcreepyteacher - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28716

You deserved it

1414

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3890

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By violet - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39984

You deserved it

3441

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2021 19:59 - United States - San Jose

The Teaching Life

Today, being incredibly ill after my second COVID shot, I called in sick for maybe the third time in 10 years (I teach). That didn’t stop parents from calling and messaging to scream at me because they weren’t happy. I had to drag myself out of bed and do work in between throwing up. I feel even worse now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1058

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33081

You deserved it

9359

Favorite

By Embarrassed

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42246

You deserved it

6687

Favorite

By paulcorrea95 - United States

Boozing on the job

Today, I was at work, cleaning up a construction site. I picked up a beer can and accidentally spilled some of it on me. My boss came in to check on me and thought I was drunk. Instead of getting a raise, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1706

You deserved it

180

Favorite

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Break time

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1450

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25940

You deserved it

9836

Favorite

By Robert - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4845

You deserved it

666

Favorite

By MrsFart

RIP

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2557

You deserved it

1707

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35987

You deserved it

2909

Favorite

By SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda - United States

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15770

You deserved it

974

Favorite

By slingshot - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10662

You deserved it

27551

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34578

You deserved it

4793

Favorite

By notastoner - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35535

You deserved it

5581

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13941

You deserved it

41705

Favorite

By Oily - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31165

You deserved it

14390

Favorite

By anonYmous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5962

You deserved it

751

Favorite

By Anonameow - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19649

You deserved it

1613

Favorite

By FML - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Anger management

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40570

You deserved it

3382

Favorite

By sydthekid2000

Remember me?

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1243

You deserved it

247

Favorite

By Heather Scurfield - 21/3/2021 10:59

Stomach bug?

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

921

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36219

You deserved it

4636

Favorite

By ostler - United Kingdom

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32787

You deserved it

3910

Favorite

By tdtf - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15720

You deserved it

1487

Favorite

By lababy - United States

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41656

You deserved it

21011

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87975

You deserved it

4613

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after living in my new apartment for barely three weeks, I found mice living under my dish washer. When I brought it up to the managers, they said I'd have to pay for an exterminator myself since they weren't there when they cleaned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20293

You deserved it

1405

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Landenberg

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43048

You deserved it

22819

Favorite

By and not even in the good way - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46501

You deserved it

19876

Favorite

By omfgwhywhywhy - United States

Deliverude

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By fmylifegirl - United States

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36131

You deserved it

3876

Favorite

By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27235

You deserved it

2151

Favorite

By Workplace woes - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14069

You deserved it

1005

Favorite

By mickey1928

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40848

You deserved it

2876

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By asimplesharpie | 7

#5460647 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:40

Incoming shitstorm.

By SammyS2012 | 21

#5460650 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:41

It's the Hunger Games: Hospital Edition.

COMMENTS

By asimplesharpie | 7

#5460647 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:40

Incoming shitstorm.

Haduken | 16

#5460842 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:00

one gets the toilet, one gets the tub, and one gets the sink

wlddog | 14

#5460911 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:55

38
Way to resolve the shit out of that problem.

DracoSpirita | 21

#5460960 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 3:37

38 - Bridesmaids reference. Awesome.

jackiemora | 18

#5460990 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 4:10

Well they are in a shitting situation.

therealafroninga | 10

#5460996 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 4:15

59-Are you shitting me. Your comment stunk.

wvcheesehead1 | 9

#5461076 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 5:08

Sounds like that hospital has their shits together.,

Gmoney12 | 18

#5461151 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 6:30

I smell a game of battleshits coming on!

By MrConcise | 34

#5460648 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:40

Shitty situation, three girls one bathroom, laxative puns, did I cover them all?

Lizardgirl | 7

#5460707 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:55

I smell a new shitcom.. xD

(And let the downvotes commence)

Lizardgirl | 7

#5460846 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:03

Well that was unexpected... xD

Catkam623 | 27

#5460865 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:21

How do we know its a girl? By the name I assumed it was a guy and he had to wait outside while they shat everywhere

magentaballoon15 | 8

#5881890 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 7:15

"two OTHER girls"

By SammyS2012 | 21

#5460650 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:41

It's the Hunger Games: Hospital Edition.

yeti37 | 16

#5460725 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 1:01

There is no chance I'd volunteer to be a tribute in those games.

dreamtosing | 15

#5460848 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:05

And it smells pretty shitty.

Lizardgirl | 7

#5460855 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:08

"And may your bowels be ever in your favor."

SammyS2012 | 21

#5461085 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 5:18

Maybe sponsors can donate buckets

Jiplo | 18

#5462215 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 22:42

And the tributes could sabotage each other by putting more laxatives in their food.

By teekie | 10

#5460657 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:42

They should have given you buckets...or just not put all of you in the same room to begin with!

HowieDoIt | 21

#5460747 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 1:13

What is this, Carnival Cruise?

By thepersonyouknow | 9

#5460665 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:43

Stupid idea on their part

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5461086 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 5:20

Yeah, I've never heard of 3 people sharing a hospital room, usually they have 2 people.

monnanon | 13

#5461837 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 18:32

its maybe a ward. in the uk wards usually sleep 4-8.

By dectivebobby | 6

#5460669 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:45

Alright, one takes the bathroom, the other gets a bucket and the third one...be creative OP

KeannaLove | 32

#5460681 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:48

Could go bridesmaids style and use the the sink.

By eyesmile27 | 7

#5460672 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:46

What a shitty situation.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#5460767 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 1:23

What a shitty comment.

Lizardgirl | 7

#5460850 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 2:05

What a shitty reply to a shitty comment.

MrClean17 | 15

#5460952 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 3:34

What a shit- Never mind.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#5460982 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 4:01

What a shitty reply to a shitty reply to a shitty comment.

Lizardgirl | 7

#5461592 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 15:12

No.

By cyanidesandwich | 21

#5460678 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:47

Homemade 2 girls 1 cup?

dectivebobby | 6

#5460702 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:53

Can't really be 2 girls 1 cup if there's 3 of them...

TheBrochure | 22

#5460816 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 1:50

15 - Nor can it Really be homemade if they're in a hospital.

license2chill | 5

#5460964 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 3:40

15, one of them is gonna have the toilet, and the other two have to try to be resourceful..

By browneyedgirl52 | 13

#5460683 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:48

What kind of hospital has only one bathroom?

xInwex | 12

#5460927 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 3:17

Hopefully the OP meant one bathroom in the room she was staying in? Last time I checked hospitals had more than one bathroom. I know where I live all the hospitals have public bathrooms like every 20 feet

By laurenasabutton | 26

#5460691 - Tuesday 23 April 2013 0:51

Do you think the doctors take bets on who can beat the others to the bathroom?