By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 278
You deserved it 2 101

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+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery

kiran_fml 5

Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.


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Any opiate will constipate you after using it for a while.

Actually any narcotic can cause constipation immediately.

Birdie_Sage 0

1 effect for the screaming monkey but 2 effects for the red hair. Ok, nice story, bro. My advice for the both of you is get as faaaar away from codeine as possible! Who knows if you're gonna vomit and constipate on person!

Holding your shit in on a person huh?

Llamacod 11

Well then you are not actually.allergic to codeine, as doc bastard will tell you codeine is very commonly hard on the stomach and vomiting is a very common SIDE EFFECT but not an actual allergy. Now if you got a rash or hives or your tongue swelled up that's another story entirely

Wait, let me get my popcorn. I don't want to miss doc's response!

31- That bird again! Why does he always get thumbed down? =(

I'm allergic to it too, it just pretty much kills me

I'm allergic to it too, it just pretty much kills me

Senseless_487 - Sorry to disappoint you, but Llamacod is right. A lot of people tell me that they are allergic to certain medications because it makes them vomit. That isn't an allergy, it's an intolerance. There is a world of difference: an allergy can kill you, an intolerance can not.

No one cares. If you're not directly commenting on ops issue what makes you think we would want to read about your vomiting? Get the fuck out.

Stfu, no one gives two shits about what you think. It's a legitimate conversation about narcotics. If it wasn't necessary on here mods would have deleted it.

musicluvr2000 11

Thank you for sharing that, 1

oxytocin induces labor...

cryssycakesx3 22

I love opiates and sadly this is a very brutal side effect.

Are you confusing oxytocin with oxycodone or just making an irrelevant comment? ._.

kiran_fml 5

Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.

Oxytocin. Or is that for the other side?

I think this the only case where you'd want to have diarrhea! Get well soon OP.

Oxytocin is for inducing labor. You're probably thinking of oxycodone which is a stronger narcotic compared to codeine and can cause more constipation.

Yeah he said that it was like trying to pass a child, so I thought a labor inducing hormone would help haha

*turns humourometer back on* Sorry, I forgot to do that today. My apologies, Feared.

mcaisse77 17

Actually, pitocin induces labor

It's a shame that pharmacogenomics are taking so long to map out. On the plus side we'll probably be laughing about it in 60 years :D

How long did your med school last? Just curious cause im considering getting my degree in pharmacology and it is usually a four to six year period plus continuing education. I'm on a cell, and new to the site. don't know how to im you. Plus I got suspended from this site for a minute. :-P

sierra142 19

More than one drug induce labour.

rcgirl2 11

Hope you feel better OP. :) And you should take Miralax. It softens the stool so it makes the poop easier to come out.

No Miralax, TEA! Oolong or pu-erh tea. Oolongs help with digestion and pu-erh teas are a natural laxative. Why do people always try to fix one medicine's side effect with another medicine?

josiemorehouse 12

I take oxycodone for ankle and back pain, and have the same problem. Miralax doesn't work well for me. Try eating more fiber, taking fiber supplements, drink plenty of fluids, and try some dried prunes or prune juice. Much more gentle for pain-med constipation. Sorry, OP, it sucks!!

southernbelle_rn 16

Micahsmommy, it's not always good to mix herbs or teas with medications. You never know how they'll respond. They should have prescribed you a stool softener to help. Don't push too hard or else you'll be in more trouble that you started out with.

122- There is a difference between medicinal herbs and teas with benefits. Oolong teas naturally have digestive and metabolism benefits but yes you do not want to mix it with say Miralax or a medicine that will do the same thing because it would've overkill.

FYC. Fuck your comment.

NSS; No Shit Sherlock

6- There is a button to press for that. Comments are for additional information.

+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery

I guess OP now knows how women feel when giving birth!!!!!

24, do you often give birth to children wrapped in barbed wire? Because mine didn't come with that option.... Seriously though, in my opinion, the two types of pain can't be accurately OR fairly compared. Every labor is different - I lucked out with my first born... I hardly needed any medication. My friend, however, required an epidural early on, and she typically has a higher pain tolerance than I do.

reminds me of the article a number of years ago where a columnist described his experience with a colonoscopy...they both had me rolling.

7- I've never heard of someone giving birth through their ass, either.

I meant 24. Sorry 7.

C94_ 0

Lol. Op that totally made me clench my cheeks. Sorry hope u feel better

Actually, child birth is the perfect thing to compare colon surgery to. I've had three children, only one labor going smoothly or easy. And I have also had colon surgery. Barbed wire babies is an incredibly apt description of how it feels to have even a normal sized bowel movement after that kind of surgery. And diarrhea is no walk in the park after that kind of surgery either, which I suspect OP will find out after they OD on stool softeners or Milk of Magnesia like I did. It simply changes the pain from barbed wire to the flames of Hades himself. OP: Sitz baths, sitz baths, sitz baths. Get a good long series of movies or a TV show you can watch in your personal hell that's going to last a lot longer than your surgeon told you. Try to find that perfect amount of stool softener or Milk of Magnesia that will make things more bearable. And lastly: Lidocaine is your best friend. If you haven't been prescribed any, call your surgeon's office and get some as soon as possible!

Well, as one time my mom said: "If you need to shit, eat McDonalds, that stuff goes right through yah!".

Taco Bell is more like it!

That must be quite the shitty situation...

It's funny how people still try to do these puns:)

It's all shits and giggles until someone gets mad for something old..... Kinda like its all shits and giggles until you start to crap out a baby covered in barb wire

Now Butt sex will be easier ;)

perdix 29

I don't know about easier, butt the penetrator will certainly get a big surprise for his efforts.

Butt sex easier? I dont think so especially when theres a barbed wired baby involved!

Awesome response. I was actually taking a poop and couldn't stop laughing.

florido_fml 10

And I thought I had a problem today....

That honestly sounds terrible. I was going to make a joke about that but wow. Ouch.

youjustmademelol 4

That sounds extremely painful. I would go to the doctor you might undo the stitches an... * shivers