Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML
Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML
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Top comments
A07 48
A good way to discourage him would be to spray chilli sauce on his hand when he's not looking, then sit back and enjoy the ensuring shitstorm.
A07 48
How old is your son exactly?
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Comments (76)
igotds 16
I guess he broke up with Amber Rose #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch
delfino1604 24
hmm interesting.
TheKishwan 16
Didn't know donkey farts could be pure
Doctorbones 3
Hey, everyone needs a hobby...
CliffyB03 28
I read this to my roommate, and I'm sure you all could imagine the look of disgust
edmunson 22
I stopped at "sticking his finger up his own ass" and threw up in my mouth a little.
ViviMage 40
Ya might want to stop that habit before he tears his own lining, which is friable/easily torn in the anus, and/or loses spinchter control by forcing his finger in too often.
LyricaSilvan 30
I...honestly have no idea how to react to this. I imagine you didn't, either, at the time. Sorry to hear that your son has some...awkward habits.
RabbitOfAurora 28
Is there any chance he was lying to you and was actually just enjoying a little anal fingering? Obviously this is age dependant; but you might want to have a talk to him about sexuality and kinks.
toasted1 13
or in the very least, get the kid some lube
Tonymac617 16
Dont people knock anymore? ;)