Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

By blahblah493 - 26/5/2011 04:15 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

49912

You deserved it

6612

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Intimacy

Thanks, I'm cured!

Boozehound alert

Boom, headshot

By me - 25/1/2012 03:40 - Canada

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11994

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30150

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By A.W - 24/6/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

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32912

You deserved it

2236

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By tomoxishigaki - 17/11/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

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30651

You deserved it

3085

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By Lady_Luck - 25/3/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

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26783

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By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31885

You deserved it

2600

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By AnonUser464 - 8/1/2013 16:40 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42395

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By Kate - 5/4/2019 22:00 - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

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2036

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374

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By okeythen - 30/6/2013 05:03 - United States - Orlando

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56108

You deserved it

3921

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By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46688

You deserved it

2551

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43718

You deserved it

4205

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By pooperscooper - 20/2/2017 00:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

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7124

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439

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By Damian - 22/4/2011 11:11

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

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88734

You deserved it

6628

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2020 05:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Spy vs. Spy

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

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506

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By festival virgin - 29/5/2013 19:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

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56335

You deserved it

5694

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By charpanda007 - 15/2/2009 13:56 - Hong Kong

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

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By LukeyBoy - 9/11/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

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24752

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By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

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You deserved it

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By DallasGal - 14/2/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

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23678

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

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36403

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By fuck you, kid - 16/7/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

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56872

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By gonnabeunemployed - 8/12/2016 21:33

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8960

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By oops... - 12/9/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

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By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

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9998

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By username - 19/5/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

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34595

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By sierraisfucked - 2/6/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

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By kitty - 9/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Exeter

He Mad

Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1417

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137

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28563

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By boo - 27/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

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53641

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 19:09 - United States - Omaha

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

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49912

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2015 07:35 - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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34671

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By master6 - 21/12/2018 04:00

Today I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

You deserved it

1206

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By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2272

Phew, glad it wasn't me

273

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 00:00

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

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2427

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172

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By laptitesouris - 31/3/2013 23:35 - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38020

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By sleepylillion - 25/4/2016 05:07 - United States - Eleele

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

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14131

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By sobasics - 6/5/2013 23:43 - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47301

You deserved it

3699

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By beetregeneration - 16/11/2016 23:47 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9371

You deserved it

1623

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By millzee - 17/1/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24159

You deserved it

1947

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By freezingggg - 23/9/2011 14:33 - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29076

You deserved it

3678

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By oneillrox - 3/11/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

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32737

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Top comments

By babyyappld | 7

#2566976 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:02

did you help her out?

By Swar_fml | 3

#2566998 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:05

Did you point out she miss spot?

COMMENTS

By babyyappld | 7

#2566976 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:02

did you help her out?

aardvarkish | 15

#2567135 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:38

Wrong.... butt funny...

worm36pitcher | 0

#2568519 - Thursday 26 May 2011 18:22

you're pretty cute

abcd4242 | 0

#2572483 - Friday 27 May 2011 7:42

haha would you have helped her out?!?!

TREEandMONKEY | 13

#5745527 - Thursday 7 November 2013 11:23

She should have arsked

By dtbomb | 3

#2566978 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:02

Damn I would tap dat ass!

IHATETROLLSS | 0

#2567417 - Thursday 26 May 2011 14:02

grow up

BrittanyCelesteP | 0

#2569579 - Thursday 26 May 2011 22:59

Uhm... o_O

By x_Cupcakes | 0

#2566984 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:02

That's gross!
She should have locked the door.

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2567157 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:49

maybe OP shudda knocked

jvanaulen | 2

#2568284 - Thursday 26 May 2011 17:25

maybe she was doing it in OP's bedroom

emmiekinz | 0

#2572936 - Friday 27 May 2011 9:51

it's not gross, it's better not to have a hairy ass.

I agree that op shoulda knocked, lol.

bee_nessa | 0

#2617357 - Saturday 4 June 2011 9:40

or he/she could have knocked lol

By Swar_fml | 3

#2566998 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:05

Did you point out she miss spot?

Reinhard_Xenon | 0

#2567031 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:08

love yur icon dude !

abby1029 | 8

#2568466 - Thursday 26 May 2011 18:12

lmfao :P

abcd4242 | 0

#2572492 - Friday 27 May 2011 7:44

77- your my type of girl ahah

keegan23 | 4

#2580006 - Saturday 28 May 2011 19:38

haha man whore

drumline14 | 0

#2919140 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:53

your hot

drumline14 | 0

#2919144 - Monday 18 July 2011 6:55

#77

By ScaughtieHolden | 11

#2567000 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:05

knock

moeleigh2012 | 0

#2568979 - Thursday 26 May 2011 20:11

ur cute haha

By iLazy | 0

#2567017 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:06

Smooth move.

btnhdude | 0

#2567132 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:38

Fitting comment.

cgchamp89 | 7

#2567433 - Thursday 26 May 2011 14:08

lol 23 that took me a minute....

abceasyas123abc | 12

#2567897 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:08

That was a good one!

By ColorfulDonut | 7

#2567025 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:07

mmmmmm hairy ass

Catie13 | 0

#2568431 - Thursday 26 May 2011 17:56

grow up

thetrollyoulike | 6

#2569509 - Thursday 26 May 2011 22:40

if you scroll up a bot on the comments

AcidRaen | 4

#2571746 - Friday 27 May 2011 4:25

74 and how old are you? 8?
get a sense of humor and dont take everything so seriously. especially on here

By cwmbear | 0

#2567039 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:09

QUICK. Rip your eyes out and burn em

btnhdude | 0

#2567228 - Thursday 26 May 2011 13:07

She should place a cross against the ass; and instead of a red marking there'd be skin showing.

By cynide | 13

#2567041 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:09

i would of tried to help your mom out

nocturn360 | 0

#2653324 - Friday 10 June 2011 7:51

no not even funny

By L3Paparazzo | 7

#2567043 - Thursday 26 May 2011 12:09

no girl wants to be likes a chewbacca :P