Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon,... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 106

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 1 393

11/09/2015 18:40

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 4 476

Shave it off, own it!

Sail on sailor

Weddings blow

24/05/2011 04:27

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 239

You deserved it 4 476

20/06/2011 15:57

Spicy

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 553

You deserved it 4 250

02/08/2018 01:30

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 172

You deserved it 306

12/11/2010 21:31

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 5 002

16/02/2012 12:49

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 32 866

02/04/2009 17:07

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 597

You deserved it 6 220

27/05/2009 03:08

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 486

You deserved it 88 458

18/12/2013 09:30

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 8 716

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 03:59

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 60

Denied

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 07:58

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who live 30 minutes away, asked me over late at night. When I got there, she turned me around and kicked me out because she "wasn’t feeling it." I’m 29 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 232

31/01/2010 14:46

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 850

You deserved it 3 429

31/01/2012 20:17

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 023

You deserved it 3 188

06/04/2010 07:10

Spicy

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 502

You deserved it 5 866

22/04/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 612

You deserved it 460

Out of it

By Walker Alldredge - 15/09/2020 00:02

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 439

You deserved it 620

04/12/2010 23:28

Spicy

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 419

You deserved it 36 619

28/07/2013 14:31

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 362

You deserved it 4 245

02/04/2010 11:33

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 9 563

20/05/2013 06:32

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 6 178

02/03/2013 14:14

Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 3 695

06/09/2016 13:36

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 340

You deserved it 959

Unhealthy

By Homeless - 14/06/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 334

07/03/2010 10:27

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 480

You deserved it 2 776

16/11/2010 10:07

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 437

You deserved it 27 981

23/06/2013 04:10

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 948

You deserved it 7 237

15/09/2011 21:46

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 29 101

01/05/2016 17:56

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 730

You deserved it 1 719

16/05/2014 21:07

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 331

You deserved it 9 967

31/08/2014 18:44

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 715

You deserved it 4 333

09/09/2010 19:58

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 700

You deserved it 9 318

28/05/2010 18:07

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 929

You deserved it 13 922

08/08/2013 13:13

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 190

You deserved it 5 572

03/10/2015 20:45

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 2 204

08/04/2013 00:30

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 967

You deserved it 64 118

21/05/2015 20:41

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 917

You deserved it 3 241

Smells like victory

By Gagging - 15/06/2015 11:57

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 2 767

13/10/2009 06:54

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 121 095

20/07/2009 23:31

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 989

You deserved it 6 607

03/02/2011 05:17

Spicy

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 142

You deserved it 6 423

21/04/2009 00:11

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 703

You deserved it 12 889

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Top comments

earlytermination 34

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:00

Knock first?

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:03

Multitasking at its finest.

Comments

earlytermination 34

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:00

Knock first?

Iarla_ceapaire93 24

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:08

OP never specified she barged into his moms room, this could have been in the sitting room/kitchen!

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:29

Who the hell does that IN THE KITCHEN?

clemsi 20

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:57

11 Isn't that where women are supposed to be? In between making sandwiches and doing the dishes she just didn't have time to go to the bathroom. ( sarcasm)

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Saturday 12 September 2015 10:54

#6 Well it says OP is a guy. Which is quite disturbing. I'm not trying to say that if OP was a girl it would have been okay but its probably more disturbing as a guy.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 14:54

Not disagreeing with you here, but also if the OPs mom was on the phone he might've thought it was okay to enter since (usually) people don't casually chat while changing tampons

smackaroonial 20

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Saturday 12 September 2015 19:54

Even if she was chatting on the phone, who doesn't knock before walking into a bathroom with a closed door, or a bedroom with a closed door? I find it highly unlikely that the mom was chilling in the living room or kitchen.

NinjaDitto623 14

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Saturday 12 September 2015 19:58

No one ever said the door was closed, she may have been changing her tampon in her bedroom with the door wide open.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:03

Multitasking at its finest.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:03

Brain bleach may need to be used on this one.

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Sunday 13 September 2015 0:20

I cant stand it when people say to use ''brain bleach''. as if there were such a thing. it would be nice but it's not a thing. it never will be, just STOP PLEASE!

fakedsincerity 32

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Sunday 13 September 2015 0:48

I need some brain bleach to remove your whiny comment from my mind #50.

lovethatstach 18

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 15:54

#50 BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH BRAIN BLEACH. dont be such a whiny bitch.

lovethatstach 18

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Tuesday 10 November 2015 16:14

fuck whoever flagged me for my comment. youre a dumb cunt who cant fight your own battles.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:05

so?

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:07

And that Charlie Brown is why we knock first

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:09

This has a sequel where i wonder if mum kisses em night right after dad copes a heada ?

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 12 September 2015 10:04

Am I the only one having an incredibly hard time figuring this one out?

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Saturday 12 September 2015 10:10

No you are not, I have no clue what #7 is saying.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:11

Once I walked in on my mom casually slipping a black dildo so large it had a handle underneath her bed. Sometimes mental images can never be erased.

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Saturday 12 September 2015 10:14

That's mentally scaring alright. Did she at least put you in therapy afterwards?

Mynamewontfi 40

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Saturday 12 September 2015 12:02

Reminds me of when I had to get some asparine and opened the wrong nightstand on my parents room and found several toys. I stood like a deer caught in the headlights, screaming "nooooo" internally.

RedPillSucks 31

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Saturday 12 September 2015 18:44

was it steely Dan, or steely Tyrone?

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:25

Brain bleach?

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:27

Human nature, try not to over think about it.

duduv2 20

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Saturday 12 September 2015 9:31

You need to suppress that image lol