Intimacy: Check this out

Check this out

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 4 344

Intimacy

Broken heart

Push through the pain barrier

Huge balls

Nice parents you've got there…

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 10:59 - United States - San Diego

Today, one of my fourth-graders came up to me and asked, "Can you please not put my test grades in the weekly folders? My mom likes to get mad when I get below a 90." FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 68

By ohgod. - 10/10/2012 02:59 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 3 160

By Inod - 07/07/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 951

You deserved it 32 288

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 17:30

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 758

You deserved it 306

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 422

By Jessica - 27/12/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 539

You deserved it 3 045

Artists are unpredictable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 10:01

Today, I sent a tweet to my favourite artist to tell him that I loved his work. He replied that I was being rude and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 111

By fatty - 07/06/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 633

You deserved it 10 552

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 617

You deserved it 13 440

By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 21 728

Bullshit merchants in the temple

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 78

By unlucky22 - 22/10/2017 19:00

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 563

You deserved it 376

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 10 212

By ouch - 03/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 813

You deserved it 70 017

By fuck my arse - 08/08/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 382

You deserved it 19 492

By Shamdog48 - 11/04/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 774

You deserved it 3 729

Mrs Heckles?

By loud sweeper - 07/10/2019 06:00

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 122

By Hardsleeper - 16/10/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 891

You deserved it 2 295

By The Last One - 11/03/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 724

You deserved it 2 222

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 20:03

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 01:19 - Canada - Canal Flats

Today, a little girl locked all the stalls in the girls' bathroom where I work and crawled under the doors. I then had to crawl around on the bathroom floor in order to unlock the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 355

You deserved it 1 271

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 991

You deserved it 2 794

By SmellyCloset - 05/10/2014 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 4 899

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 438

You deserved it 39 735

By Sad - 01/03/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 182

You deserved it 309 401

By flimflam - 02/09/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 682

You deserved it 3 851

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 590

You deserved it 4 034

By Idiot - 22/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 833

You deserved it 1 307

By Anonymous - 06/09/2011 09:32 - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 494

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 711

You deserved it 4 548

By dontworrybehappy - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 6 120

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 094

By dana - 16/12/2013 22:43 - United States - Montrose

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 11 859

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 22:06 - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 357

You deserved it 4 240

By power corrupts... - 07/08/2011 20:29 - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 12 022

By engineerdude91 - 20/10/2010 03:01 - United States

Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 4 167

Swindler's List

By whoneedsloveanyway - 21/06/2020 02:01

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 155

By Me - 11/04/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 315

You deserved it 12 667

By Is that..? - 17/07/2014 03:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 840

You deserved it 4 841

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Top comments

katie1243 16

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:50

That's a true friend

Emma1562 35

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:43

That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard of, I feel bad for you OP.

the_rad_brad47 18

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:43

I'm the first comment and I agree got life sucks

PancakeSlap 23

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

If only there was a button for that.

Emma1562 35

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:43

That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard of, I feel bad for you OP.

mds9986 24

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:49

It was a hairy situation to be in.

Lorenzo1102 21

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:53

Overused pun. Nice try though

mds9986 24

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Friday 5 June 2015 1:00

That's why I used it.

Rinat_fml 26

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Friday 5 June 2015 1:45

Actually it's not that weird. Me and my girls do it all the time! (Minus the headlamp)

devildog562 33

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Friday 5 June 2015 2:07

The things people do to look good down there . I don't think I'd be cool with my of my boys clipping my balls or ass though.

tormcn 26

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Friday 5 June 2015 3:13

Yeah.. what is with the headlamp?

Polynomial 28

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Friday 5 June 2015 5:08

1, really? It's called a waxie moon, happens about once a month.

IDerive 12

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Friday 5 June 2015 5:20

All the time? How fast does your hair grow down there? It might be time for some laser hair removal... You have my sympathy.

IDerive 12

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Friday 5 June 2015 5:23

In reply to #38

greekk 21

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Friday 5 June 2015 5:35

I've heard a lot weirder stuff on fml alone.

bgodbold 7

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Friday 5 June 2015 6:30

How the hell were u trying to be funny?

Sangue0608 26

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Friday 5 June 2015 22:38

I wouldn't say it's the weirdest thing but it's pretty up there.

lukian_fml 29

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:44

That's a novel use for caving light.

quickit 24

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:56

Taking the word friendship to a whole new level.

Patriots21 14

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Friday 5 June 2015 1:10

Spelunking at its fine at, exploring the mythical Anal Cave.

darkstarrising 18

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:45

That is straight up gross. FYL for having walked in on that horrid scene.

slingerslasher 24

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Friday 5 June 2015 1:10

When I first read this FML I thought it said "I walked in on my roommate ripping her ass cheeks" which is also quite unappealing

EatUrGreens 20

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Friday 5 June 2015 10:36

You people need to make your mind up lmao one day you guys think it's disgusting to have pubic hair, the next it's gross to be waxing it off..

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Friday 5 June 2015 17:22

But being seen as a woman to have any body hair on the buttocks, abdomen etc. is often considered gross too. Many of us are between a rock and a hard place. Hirsutism is awful.

footballer96 11

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Sunday 14 June 2015 7:01

Uh I think they meant hair around the butthole and not all guys are bothered by hair on women that they usually shave off

AU_Lovebird 17

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:45

Disturbing.... They should lock the door!

kbecks87 16

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Friday 5 June 2015 3:01

Or OP should knock.

tournamentdecide 33

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Friday 5 June 2015 3:21

There is the possibility that this might have taken place in the living room. yall never know.

ShannonBitt 29

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Friday 5 June 2015 4:30

They could also share a bedroom if it's a dorm room or a house with several people living in it.

daddysgirl243 21

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Sunday 21 June 2015 5:36

some places don't have any doors, and the rooms are all connected through small walkways

DemHaxBro 20

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:45

This will do, rips off wax Nah but that really sucks, maybe knock next time?

danthehuman 29

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

Wow, why would anyone actually do that? Sorry OP.

ColonelCusswords 24

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:48

Clearing a landing strip

devildog562 33

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Friday 5 June 2015 2:09

To some people that's a no fly zone though ...

khoov19 20

Friday 5 June 2015 5:50

everywhere is an airport or landing strip....there are no real no fly zones

triplebeerox 27

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Friday 5 June 2015 0:46

So she was doing that in a communal area? If so, fyl; I wouldn't want to walk into that. If you barged into her room without knocking, you deserve it.