Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML - FML

By SCARRED - 29/8/2014 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

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Does it taste good?

Live dumping

Night terrors

By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Thanks for the support, guys!

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

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By hatesurf - 26/6/2009 17:23 - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

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By OverWorked1 - 20/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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By bunyipp - 23/9/2017 04:00 - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

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By pass_the_tp - 13/1/2010 02:57 - United States

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

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By - 1/5/2019 00:00

Today, I got pulled over for violating hands-free law and not having an updated address on my driver's license. Two days ago, I got pulled over for the same reasons. Now, I have four tickets I need to deal with. FML

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By wowzersthatsucks - 29/6/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

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By Emma - 8/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

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By phantomdriver - 24/3/2011 22:51 - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

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By andimanastudent - 13/4/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

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By Me - 12/1/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

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By xXfloatingshitlogXx - 3/11/2012 16:04 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

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By megomania - 2/5/2011 13:51 - United States

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

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By artsmart1 - 6/3/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

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By whatsmccraken - 10/9/2009 12:37 - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

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By heterolifepartner - 18/1/2010 06:03 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By birthday_loser - 23/1/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

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By charlie043 - 11/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

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By Bald - 21/10/2014 15:41 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

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By Lou - 21/12/2018 18:00

I chose 2 children to buy Christmas for from the local crisis center. Delivered the gifts to the designated spot. Receive a message on fb 4 days later asking when I will be dropping off my toys. Seems they’ve been misplaced. Merry Christmas to all.

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By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

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By At least she knows I floss - 25/8/2017 14:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

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By lovelychris - 16/12/2012 19:15 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

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By susiedoggles - 5/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

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By love-shot - 17/8/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

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By moosemay - 19/1/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By Crystal - 10/1/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

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By yesnomaybeso7 - 12/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

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By crazymirrors - 28/7/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

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By Penkkis - 13/9/2011 06:11 - Finland

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

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By Agax - 8/10/2013 00:21 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

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By bleue - 23/4/2015 12:27 - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

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By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/5/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini wax. She calls it her "Declaration of Independence". FML

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By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

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By Bill - 18/8/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

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Top comments

By sorta_sarcastic | 12

#6052045 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

Serves you right. Always knock first.

By leopardwilliam | 22

#6052048 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

That cannot be unseen

COMMENTS

By sorta_sarcastic | 12

#6052045 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

Serves you right. Always knock first.

Reply

LaColombianita | 26

#6052063 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

Hey they could have been in the living room for all we know.

Reply

lnheritance | 19

#6052203 - Saturday 30 August 2014 8:18

Perhaps they didn't put the traditional hat on the door knob. So FHL.

Reply

MountainGiant87 | 15

#6052242 - Saturday 30 August 2014 10:38

#9 I don't think I want to know

By leopardwilliam | 22

#6052048 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

That cannot be unseen

Reply

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6052108 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:50

Especially, if he was using a pole...

*shudders

Reply

princesspeachxox | 18

#6052128 - Saturday 30 August 2014 6:06

At least he came in early enough to only see that!

Reply

theaaxis | 27

#6052139 - Saturday 30 August 2014 6:26

#20, I believe he supplied his own. ;)

By AvatheAvacodo | 9

#6052050 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

-Bleaches Eyes-

Reply

girI | 20

#6052254 - Saturday 30 August 2014 11:21

But you cannot bleach the mind's eye...

By foxwasalamb | 24

#6052055 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

whatever works for them

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6052369 - Saturday 30 August 2014 15:09

You pic is fucking creepy!

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#6052056 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

Hahaha, hey, maybe you could learn something from him. Next time, knock!

By raisinbam | 13

#6052058 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

At least that's all he was doing

By DarkPoet_fml | 5

#6052059 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

Should of thrown some ones at him and left

Reply

MortenM | 17

#6052771 - Saturday 30 August 2014 23:38

Seems like the best solution. Plus obviously add hints to it all the time when you talk to him

By 23lf | 16

#6052061 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

It's OK to cry now OP

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6052065 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:17

you just can't unsee some things.

By Awesomeaxel | 24

#6052068 - Saturday 30 August 2014 5:17

Just honestly say nothing and pretend it didn't happen. It is probably just as awkward for them.

Reply

elcee1987 | 18

#6052220 - Saturday 30 August 2014 9:18

Idk elephants in the room tend to grow over time, not shrink. Might just want to get it into the open. Maybe op can crack a small joke to ease the tension.