Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
rattusrattus 19
Eh. I was like that when I was that age. Nothing to worry about. I mean, I do have some mental problems, but they're of the 'nervous breakdown' type rather than the 'kill people slowly and horribly' type. :D
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Quickly! Time is running out! Make a break for Mexico!
Hockeyboy4280 18
She/he lives in London...
CharresBarkrey 16
... Make a break for France!
lilhellian 27
38 I only need to tell you one example, it is "The Titanic."
m0rr1s 3
Roflmao that's the funniest thing I've heard all day.
tsent8 15
That's not fair give her a challenge when she gets back tell her you get 10 seconds to hide when she opens her eyes the battle begins!
film_addict1129 16
I don't ussually swear but…what the actual ****?!
ICastillo 25
You got the female version of Jack the Ripper in the making right there. She sounds like she is really going to enjoy it too.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
This is why I keep stunt doubles around.
jm12120 3
Option 1:hide the sharp objects. Option 2:dig a hole and bury her in it. Option 3:call 911 and they'll take her to one of those sicko people rooms or get her help
Snowcones 14
Holy...