Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young... - FML

By Bbpoor - 10/4/2018 19:30 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1762

You deserved it

6946

Tweet

Share

Weird kid

Ant life

Mind your own beeswax

By Kathrynn - 7/3/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78568

You deserved it

5268

Tweet

Share

By - 19/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2673

Phew, glad it wasn't me

316

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2013 22:29 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37953

You deserved it

5687

Tweet

Share

By moutz - 20/7/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38254

You deserved it

15291

Tweet

Share

By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk - 25/6/2018 15:00

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4033

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By I get the hint - 18/9/2013 06:19

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40162

You deserved it

12128

Tweet

Share

By fuck you, dad - 27/9/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20604

You deserved it

6261

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/3/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44651

You deserved it

11881

Tweet

Share

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/8/2020 23:02

Wardrobe change please

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By sad_panda - 26/6/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46107

You deserved it

6920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3923

You deserved it

377

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28374

You deserved it

7090

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2014 20:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59620

You deserved it

5819

Tweet

Share

By Kyle - 10/5/2011 10:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

16933

You deserved it

46844

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/11/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13081

You deserved it

36122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58956

You deserved it

2596

Tweet

Share

By Franklin - 1/2/2018 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Keeping it in the family!

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6123

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/6/2012 16:53 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I found out that the piece of vacant land I purchased for $20,000 is illegal to build a house on, due to acreage restrictions. Thank you, realtor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28452

You deserved it

5590

Tweet

Share

By someone72 - 22/3/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39807

You deserved it

7474

Tweet

Share

By xetsa - 13/2/2010 05:23 - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23607

You deserved it

3214

Tweet

Share

By ... - 18/11/2008 04:42 - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32429

You deserved it

2219

Tweet

Share

By tan disaster - 27/2/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18461

You deserved it

39174

Tweet

Share

By not outdoorsy - 10/7/2020 14:02

The call of the wild

Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

529

You deserved it

1950

Tweet

Share

By meh - 18/1/2012 05:21 - Canada

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42015

You deserved it

3017

Tweet

Share

By nali1122 - 22/10/2019 12:00

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

557

You deserved it

2444

Tweet

Share

By wow kid just leave me alone - 15/9/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27525

You deserved it

3685

Tweet

Share

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/1/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8806

You deserved it

68735

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 17:48 - United States - Wittmann

Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16462

You deserved it

8595

Tweet

Share

By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12647

You deserved it

950

Tweet

Share

By mobster - 26/7/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37235

You deserved it

19605

Tweet

Share

By arther - 3/6/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By Angrymom - 22/10/2018 22:00

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3008

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By fmyarse - 22/7/2012 22:45 - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6570

You deserved it

48696

Tweet

Share

By annonn - 24/3/2016 11:11 - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17062

You deserved it

17912

Tweet

Share

By tragic - 29/8/2016 04:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17357

You deserved it

1529

Tweet

Share

By Dumbass - 10/1/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

858

You deserved it

3831

Tweet

Share

By One Angry Vegan - 3/6/2017 12:00

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4726

You deserved it

2174

Tweet

Share

By hippie88 - 5/10/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Today, I figured out why I've used triple the amount of cellphone minutes than I usually do over the past month since moving out. Is it because I suddenly have a social life now that I'm living on my own? No. All those calls were made to my mom because I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1238

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1609

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By shayes9 - 22/7/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9743

You deserved it

53172

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ajh1800 | 25

#7621379 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 1:38

You made out with his girlfriend and expected him to read your resume? I'd shred it too.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7621394 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 2:20

If you were him, and something like that happened, would you hire someone that can try to ruin your current relationship?

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7621379 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 1:38

You made out with his girlfriend and expected him to read your resume? I'd shred it too.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7621394 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 2:20

If you were him, and something like that happened, would you hire someone that can try to ruin your current relationship?

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7621406 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 2:52

You want us to feel sorry for you when you ruined his relationship?

By draghkar | 16

#7621409 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 3:11

It’s 2018, I never thought I’d hear “Blackberry” and “millionaire” in the same sentence. But yeah, karma is a bitch.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7622414 - Friday 13 April 2018 13:02

Well he's retired. So maybe the becoming a millionaire happened like 15 years ago.

By dexter420 | 21

#7621411 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 3:59

You totally deserved it! And you had the nerve too apply for a job from him. You should be hired as a target at a shooting range but im sure your parents told you that

By tounces7 | 26

#7621412 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 4:01

Blackberry Millionaire? What?

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7621418 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 4:29

He’s petty, but you’re a dick.

Reply

LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7621422 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 5:09

Yea, possibly the dick was involved.

Reply

Donut_Wizard | 23

#7621867 - Thursday 12 April 2018 2:48

Just the tip.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7621423 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 5:10

He was forced into retirement by BlackBerry’s mismanagement and incompetence. He might have even been one of the dolts in charge than ran the company into the ground.

I’m guessing you regret not fingering her back then.

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7621438 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 6:29

Karma...

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7621487 - Wednesday 11 April 2018 9:04

Why would anyone want to hire a backstabber? He already knows you are one.