Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
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Comments (108)
unknown_user5566 27
57- Movies based on real life events are obviously the exception.
Snowcones 14
They told me to motivate her to clean the room,they said. It would be fun, they said.
Cainicide 5
Actually, there are several cases in which a young child (a young girl, even) commits murder. Mary Bell, 11 years old. Run, OP, run.
ilovecandie 0
Sleepover a friends house tell your parents, do something cause that kid is to Bigtojokeaboutthat
mb2_native 15
You would be surprised. I seen on the news before about an 8 year old boy, who grabbed his fathers rifle/shotgun and shot his pregnant step-mom because he didn't like her.. So I'm pretty sure a kid may be capable of doing so.
jgriff79 23
Kids say the damnedest thing!
Psycho_Babydoll 26
At least her room will be clean.
A7XCamaro 19
I actually wouldn't be suprised if a little kid was more likely to kill you, most aren't going to have a full sense of right and wrong. Plus they might look at it like the video games, if I kill you now you'll be back in a few minutes.
buckdharma 38
make sure she doesn t run with the knife...
SoylentCandycorn 10
Is your daughter Louise from Bob's Burgers?
raraisbang 12
Sister*