Health: Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 027

11/11/2015 11:03

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 2 267

Best teeth in the game

There's no helping some people

Vulture

23/11/2018 17:30

Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 206

09/01/2012 09:39

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 2 692

You made them use coasters, Monica

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 12:00

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 183

Leeches

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 289

27/12/2011 04:11

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 530

You deserved it 3 044

Slipped

By Badchristian - 05/04/2012 04:17

Spicy

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 382

You deserved it 43 036

Cats give great advice like "Shit in a box!"

By can't sleep - 09/08/2019 00:01

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 251

28/01/2009 21:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 3 299

15/04/2015 14:32

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 185

You deserved it 3 013

09/07/2019 06:00

Today, I sat in my doctor's office and broke down, crying and shaking, with a blood pressure of 190, getting off my chest everything that has gone wrong in my life lately. To which the doctor, well into her sixties, replied, "My goodness, I've never met anyone with so many problems!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 347

24/06/2014 18:38

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 464

You deserved it 5 547

01/09/2011 06:22

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 361

You deserved it 2 097

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34

Spicy

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 519

You deserved it 84 023

20/06/2011 05:57

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 566

15/03/2016 23:14

Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 700

You deserved it 27 514

01/10/2013 19:41

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 432

You deserved it 15 339

Smells like victory

By Gagging - 15/06/2015 11:57

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 2 767

16/05/2009 14:47

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 082

You deserved it 53 694

12/11/2014 04:34

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 040

You deserved it 4 517

09/10/2011 05:17

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 290

You deserved it 40 306

09/12/2013 01:16

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 659

You deserved it 6 535

09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 677

24/08/2012 23:29

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 343

You deserved it 1 896

11/01/2014 04:02

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 116

You deserved it 4 842

30/05/2015 03:07

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 528

You deserved it 2 109

12/12/2014 19:52

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 7 946

30/01/2012 00:26

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 685

You deserved it 46 245

22/09/2010 20:39

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 3 860

23/09/2016 01:52

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 987

You deserved it 1 064

Phones, how do they work?!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 14:00

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown, no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted, they left a number in the voicemail telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 263

06/02/2010 03:19

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 8 936

03/03/2011 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 074

You deserved it 3 416

19/03/2014 12:28

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 963

You deserved it 4 278

30/11/2015 13:06

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 879

You deserved it 1 772

Narcissists never unite!

By bntje - 14/04/2013 20:39

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 597

You deserved it 3 824

06/01/2011 05:57

Spicy

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 14 280

05/03/2013 20:17

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 609

You deserved it 4 122

03/06/2016 20:32

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 863

You deserved it 20 060

12/12/2010 21:55

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 167

You deserved it 4 557

23/12/2010 06:36

Spicy

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 000

You deserved it 9 400

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Top comments

fakedsincerity 32

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:44

Well you're not having a very good fall...

mattzawesome 28

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:46

Maybe leaves are more slippery than banana peels?

Comments

fakedsincerity 32

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:44

Well you're not having a very good fall...

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:47

No pun intended

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:49

Shin we stop with these puns? Op is in pain, leaf him/her alone.

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Thursday 12 November 2015 3:21

#10 you should have just done the leaf pun, the shin was a stretch and really tainted the whole comment.

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Thursday 12 November 2015 5:10

In more ways than one

spacefish966 18

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:21

Those damn Canadian's are sneaky

RealSuperSand 21

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Friday 13 November 2015 16:38

That was bad and you should feel bad.

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Saturday 14 November 2015 4:49

I do feel bad, but those leaf puns were stale. Op must feel worse anyways. I wonder what the first ever pun was...

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:45

They'll sneak up on you

mattzawesome 28

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:46

Maybe leaves are more slippery than banana peels?

kyrisonfusion 22

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:46

I hope you feel better

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:46

Try not to autumble everyday.

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:47

You should have leafed it alone.

mattzawesome 28

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:47

Bad

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:50

You forced it, and this is what happens.

cole_tyler42 21

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:48

What a great fall story. Did you happen to fall into a woman's arms and instantly fall in love?

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 12 November 2015 1:46

Nah, OP fell and fractured their shinbone. But OP did fall into the nurse's arms, then the nurse accidentally dropped OP and they fractured their other shinbone.

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:50

Bad luck won't leaf you alone, huh?

caarlosgomez_ 14

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Thursday 12 November 2015 0:56

How does one slip on a leaf, exactly?

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 12 November 2015 2:03

The person step on the leaf, the leaf slides the foot suddenly, the person loses balance, and then the person falls over. That's exactly how it happens.

SecundusSecunda 27

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Thursday 12 November 2015 2:21

I would think depending on how big the leaf is, in this case lets pretend it has a wide surface area, combined with a wet surface It could be slippery

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Thursday 12 November 2015 3:20

I can assure you that it takes years of practice and dedication, #13.

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Thursday 12 November 2015 1:04

With all the climate change and deforestation humanity contributes to, it was only a matter of time before the environment fought back.

addictionpool 10

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Thursday 12 November 2015 5:16

bastards