Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
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Comments (108)
inimitable_fml 0
I know how to fix this! Works every time! Just give her a Twinkie.......... Oh, crap...
Jirekianu2 19
6, a study was conducted where they tested over 1000 children ages 7-9. 97% were socipathic to some degree. With the remaining 3 percent being the only ones who'd developed a more adult sense of empathy already. As for the can... It only takea a couple pounds of pressure to puncture your skin with a knife. Or about 9 pounds with a blunt object to fracture the skull. If you're dealing with a legitimately violent and insane kid you could be in danger.
Ninja_Girl17 5
Even more proof that little girls are evil. Don't be fooled by their cuteness!
Moka96 7
Just in case I'd hide all your sharp objects really well....
sabrinamarie3 15
Hope you're still alive.
Special_Psycho 8
Dude, get the **** out of that place and hide out somewhere that nobody would ever think to look for you! If she really does come at you with the knife then call the cops immediately and have that psycho put in a white sweater and sent off to the happy hotel!
areallybadninja 4
your daughter sounds perfect. me gusta
sketchypanda 0
Well hopefully you're still alive...
LONERANGER44 11
"My mother always told me, be careful who you love".
MissHandberg 6
I remember having suicidal thoughts at 9.. So kids can have ****** up thoughts...