Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
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Comments (108)
MrEscape 2
Well I wouldn't be in that house after she's done cleaning
alwayswinning123 7
Stewy Griffin?
CharresBarkrey 16
Except for Stewie was a baby boy, and tried to kill his mom.
alwayswinning123 7
This is true but I was just making a reference
taayp 0
Hide all the Nifes
BTS_fml 4
you are in such a big trouble :D don`t sleeo tonight :))) hide in you closet and keep a beat for every case :)))
Luxord33 8
I hope for your sake you've never seen the movie Sinister, cuz if you have then you will never be able to sleep again!
BlueFlatts 20
It could be today it could be 20 years from now. Scary.
Grauncho 27
I think OP is dead now.
nix1993 41
Why would you care if your sister cleaned her room? Getting her to clean YOUR room on the other hand... that I can understand
ocramavaf 15
R.I.P.
NiickDL 5
Wow - The stories changed since wrote it? FYI she was joking, I'm not dead. She's my sister NOT daughter and I'm a guy.