Animals: Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles,...

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 391

You deserved it 12 855

Animals

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 769

You deserved it 6 875

Sneeeeek!

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 375

You deserved it 2 943

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 151

You deserved it 602

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 159

By HM - 16/04/2015 13:10 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 574

You deserved it 4 510

By Anonymous - 25/09/2014 15:52 - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 361

You deserved it 10 908

Pick me!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 17:01

Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 908

The language of love

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 4 490

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 898

You deserved it 14 158

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 446

You deserved it 3 594

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

Comments

swgmimi12 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

first

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Is this the guy from that new youtube show who's building a reptile zoo? :D

loveexgirl 15

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Wrong

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

Keyman1212 14

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:12

I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.

FFPulley 9

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:14

Then he put his snake in your secret garden?

Jaimegirl 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:19

Well then the reptiles weren't the only things you showed off. Haha

Zya_fml 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:24

Well your goal was to impress him...I'm sure that worked.

chellexx 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:28

8I rather like second base... I think I'd like it at least a little bit :)

Primal 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:34

Sounds like a bit of a coincidence to me....girl loves guy, guy loves reptiles and girls, girl drops reptile down boobs... What more could he want?

ItsTheKing 10

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:52

Sounds like the beginning of a great porno.

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

NoahStaz 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:39

Obviously he enjoyed it. He loves reptiles! I wonder what he feels about fish...

purplecowchik 5

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:05

Why is this an FML? It worked, you got to 2nd base already! ;-)

iampetard 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

Im sure he enjoyed it and si did you

MizzErikaHart 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:04

For real. "like omg the lizard fell in my boobs... Omg help me get him out of my shirt!"

bloodmonk115 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

He'll call

Iwashere12345 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

care to explain why you couldn't get a lizard out of your shirt on your own?

alliewillie 22

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rebekahah 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Well I don't see what's wrong, he was probably impressed. ;)

crinx034 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:36

What if she had small tata's? What then??

NNiiKKiiEE 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see how your life sucks, though. This probably raises your chances of a relation/**** buddy ship

merc302 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see the problem....

sunrise1234 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:59

She was probably just embarrasses that she had to have him help her get it out.

SmittyJA24 26

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:03

This is a "FML".... how??? I don't get it.

lindseyluvszac 4

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Sounds like the beginning of a porno I like

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I agree, your life sucks 27 180

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I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 875

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I agree, your life sucks 4 107

You deserved it 693

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I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 1 226

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I agree, your life sucks 8 083

You deserved it 858

Same thing different taste

Sneeeeek!

Thanksssss

Tonight, on First Dates…

Pick me!

The language of love

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