Animals: Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles,...

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 401

You deserved it 12 869

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 788

You deserved it 6 879

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 622

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 170

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 719

You deserved it 8 063

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 067

You deserved it 3 101

By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 920

You deserved it 13 576

By KittyNeko - 28/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 3 190

By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 994

You deserved it 31 752

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 277

Sneeeeek!

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 2 945

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

Comments

swgmimi12 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

first

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Is this the guy from that new youtube show who's building a reptile zoo? :D

loveexgirl 15

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Wrong

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

Keyman1212 14

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:12

I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.

FFPulley 9

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:14

Then he put his snake in your secret garden?

Jaimegirl 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:19

Well then the reptiles weren't the only things you showed off. Haha

Zya_fml 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:24

Well your goal was to impress him...I'm sure that worked.

chellexx 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:28

8I rather like second base... I think I'd like it at least a little bit :)

Primal 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:34

Sounds like a bit of a coincidence to me....girl loves guy, guy loves reptiles and girls, girl drops reptile down boobs... What more could he want?

ItsTheKing 10

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:52

Sounds like the beginning of a great porno.

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

NoahStaz 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:39

Obviously he enjoyed it. He loves reptiles! I wonder what he feels about fish...

purplecowchik 5

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:05

Why is this an FML? It worked, you got to 2nd base already! ;-)

iampetard 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

Im sure he enjoyed it and si did you

MizzErikaHart 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:04

For real. "like omg the lizard fell in my boobs... Omg help me get him out of my shirt!"

bloodmonk115 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

He'll call

Iwashere12345 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

care to explain why you couldn't get a lizard out of your shirt on your own?

alliewillie 22

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rebekahah 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Well I don't see what's wrong, he was probably impressed. ;)

crinx034 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:36

What if she had small tata's? What then??

NNiiKKiiEE 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see how your life sucks, though. This probably raises your chances of a relation/**** buddy ship

merc302 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see the problem....

sunrise1234 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:59

She was probably just embarrasses that she had to have him help her get it out.

SmittyJA24 26

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:03

This is a "FML".... how??? I don't get it.

lindseyluvszac 4

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Sounds like the beginning of a porno I like

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Love Money Racism Harassment My ex Work Accident Embarrassing AITA Am I overreacting? Religion Health Relatable Gifts Annoying LGBTQIA+ Inappropriate Education Teachers Dogs Animals Relationship advice Cats Cute Transportation Cars Friends Scams

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I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 204

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 965

You deserved it 2 013

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 33 269

You deserved it 4 079

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I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 77

Today, more time goes by, more I’m going to have to accept that my 13 year-old sister is going to end up with size DD boobs, possibly even bigger, meanwhile I'm turning 25 this year and my boobs are stubbornly stuck at a B. Life ain’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 433

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 203

You deserved it 791

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 1 139

Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 138

Same thing different taste

Thanksssss

Tonight, on First Dates…

Lurker

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

Sneeeeek!

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