By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks 24 987
You deserved it 31 740

Same thing different taste

Top comments

How do u impress someone by showing the smashes remains of a dead spider?

I would have done the same thing. The spider should not have been crawling around free, and he should have told u about his pet when moving in.


Chixken 6

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1 no way man, he was so happy and excited that his $50 or more spider got killed.

I hate it when people are the first ones to comment but have absolutely nothing good to say.

jillianmathers12 13

I hate it when people are comment 54 and have absolutely no good to say.

4- it says Hannah...and that's a girls name?? ...I could be a boy..I don't know..

It says the roommate was a he. And it was his pet. So he would not be happy. Tards!

kbtoyz69 9

It seems to me that 50% of commenters on here took the retarded pill this morning :

MargieDrury 1

Love your tat sorry jus saw it want to say it.

#54 - sounds like you have 'first post' envy...of course if 'you' had posted first, it would have gone down in the annals of FML history as the zinger to beat all zingers...asshat!

I once got first on a fml, then it disappeared. :(

Hey! 'Retard' is offensive to people who really have mental disorders, is it really that hard to write "dumbass" instead?

AustinG95 4

If he doesn't feel like typing the extra letters, he doesn't have to.

not to be a freak, but retarded has more letters:)

AustinG95 4

It does, but I was referring to 149. 149 said "retard" is offensive, type "dumbass" instead. Dumbass has more letters.

blackheart24 10

149- 'Dumbass' is offensive to some people whose asses aren't intelligent, is it really that hard to write 'meanie heads' instead?

If you read the post, clearly the roomate was a tarantula, and was devastated when her roomate billy ate the pet taco because Op (the female in this situation) was scared when he saw a Godzilla climbing his roomate. Good day.

blackheart24 10

Do you think retards would be reading this? Dumbass. Satisfied? You ******* pansy dumbass.

Do you think that retards would be reading this conversation? And do you think that retards would recognize the word "retard" as offensive?

SaMmIMonster96 6

171-- I am AMAZED!!! I never thought of that scenario.. Now my head hurts o_O

IAdminIFlow 0
shodoggydog112 0

There are gays in the world could be a dude....

Why, and to whom is "retard" offensive?

Yes retard is offensive so we must call them the appropriate term "mentally challenged" which means they are challenged mentally for all those retar- I mean dumbasses out there. Stop being sensitive they're just words :)

I hate when people make a big deal over nothing on the Internet. Reading this just rotted my brain slightly.

notoriousbob 11

^...are you really going to ask that and not take the time to spell out "you"?

Starshrek 11

I have a tarantula that I have had for years and it was only 20 dollars? Where did you get this 50 dollar minimum in your head?

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youjustmademelol 4

I can imagine this: You:Dude look I killed a giant spider Roomate: agh You: what I know it's scary and all but... Roomate: that was Bobby... You: shit Roomate: slap You: why the **** do you even have a spider pet

Haha! In my mind it go: Roommate: Have you seen Bobby? Person: Who? Roommate: .. My spider. Person: oh...well.. shit.. Aha.. Roommate: ... Person: you had a pet spider... Get out of my house.

Spiderpet, Spiderpet. Does whatever a Spiderpet does. Spins a web, can he fly? No he can't, he's a pet lookout, you just killed a spiderpet.

23-WIN your the comment poster of the year!

I would have done much worse to it.. Dun dun duh daahh

dsbs 9

This website needs an IQ limit

thats where all the entertainment come from on this site. but id talk to Sirin about that.

OP I'm impressed that you killed a tarantula, and I'm even more impressed that you didn't kill the housemate too, when you found out he had a tarantula in the house without asking first if that's ok.

burninnapalm 5

126 actually, the original song was Spiderman's theme song. "spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can, spins a web, any size, catching bad guys, just like flies, look out, here comes spiderman" Of course you would know this if you met the minimum age requirement to be a poster on FML without a parent supervision

He probably meant minimum limit. Limit does not imply a maximum.

******* A bro that's exactly wat I was thinking

How do u impress someone by showing the smashes remains of a dead spider?

LiveLaughFML 10

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Pixxio_O 11

^ awkward how a girl did it and showed the guy....

17 It was a girl, trying to impress a guy... Did you read every second word or something?

I'd have been impressed, if it weren't my pet. Tarantulas are huge.

unitedfan11 0

"smashed the goddammned holy shit out of it". I always love creatively written FMLs.

op is female. ops cute roomate is male. sooo she was trying to impress him. not him trying to impress her.

DKjazz 20

26- Today, faced the of spiders. Smashed goddamned shit of. Trying impress cute roommate, scooped the and him. Was pet. FL or I down Godzilla all. I the holy out it. To my new, I up remains showed. It his tarantula. M If you read just the first one, you kinda get the gist of it. The second one, not so much.

akg98 13

^^ i did the exeact same thing i went up and started reading it lyk tht

I would have done the same thing. The spider should not have been crawling around free, and he should have told u about his pet when moving in.

Yeah, except no. Tarantulas are pretty easy to recognize and are a commonly known spider/pet. Op panicked like a goon at a spider just because it was a spider.

Yes...that's kind of what arachnophobes do. The fact that the spider is someone's pet does not change the fact that it is heebie jeebie-inducing. The OP definitely didn't deserve it for killing a spider that should not have been roaming around freely anyway.

M0rt 0

Tarantulas are also one of the more dangerous spiders so op was totally just in attacking it. With any kind of pet it's the owners responsibility to make sure people in their living quarters are aware of it.

Most people who claim to be arachnaphobes are really "arachnaphobes.". If op had arachnaphobia she wouldn't have been able to tolerate being in the same room, much less walk up to it and kill it. Op probably saw the spider and hatched her so brilliant plan to kill the spider and impress the guy. Both op and the owner were at fault.

A) Arachnophobia manifests itself in different ways to different people. Some people have a fight response, others have a flight response, or a combination of both. B) If the OP were perfectly fine with the spider, why would she kill it? Whether what the OP has fits the "true" definition of arachnophobia is irrelevant. C) You can't extrapolate that the OP did it simply to impress her roommate. All we know is that she reacted to the spider's presence by killing it and then showed her roommate to impress him. That doesn't mean that she killed the spider in order to impress him.

A) You are correct about flight or fight response. But you really think someone with arachnaphobia would be able to go near the corpse, shovel it up and show it off? If OP's can do that, then I'd say she has some measure of control over her phobia. B) You made the term arachnaphobia relevant when you used it to make a point. Whether op actually has the phobia or not would matter in an apology. C) I make dry, cynical remarks sometimes. However, if op had arachnaphobia, it would have likely to have been mentioned as it would've been rather relevant exposition that motivated her behavior that helped create the fml. Or at least, it should've been mentioned.

Forgive me if I'm mistaken but I'm pretty sure tarantulas are much more docile than most other spiders and only attack when they feel threatened. Also, their venom isn't that powerful so these two observations would actually make them one of the least lethal types of spiders.

Most spiders only attack larger creatures like us when they feel threatened, and tarantulas are pretty docile, allowing you to handle them with minimal risk. Most people just allow themselves to get freaked out because a) it's socially acceptable with most people to hate on spiders which b) stems from ignorance and c) who's behavior is reinforced because the general consensus is that spiders are "icky." Maybe op does have a phobia (though being able to handle the corpse is suspicious), but most of the people here claiming they'd do the same don't fit into the same category, and are being ignoramuses.

Descant 1

Sorry, just thought all sides of this argument might like to know the correct spelling of "arachnephobia." It derives from the Greek myth of Arachne, who was turned into the first spider after a weaving contest with Athena. That's always helped me remember.

If that's what OP did to his spider, I wonder what she has in store for his snake??

Except Princeton and Wikipedia list the preferred spelling as "arachno" while Google and Merriam-Webster don't even acknowledge the spelling "arachne." A great deal of Greek word gets butchered or carved up when they come to English.

That's probably something your roommate should have disclosed before moving in. "By the way I've got a ginormous spider as a pet and he's a bit of a Houdini."

Nah, Houdini would've actually escaped that mess altogether.

That's why he's only "a bit" of one. :)

Brelywi 15

Yup, would have been a definite deal breaker for me.

12vballchick12 5

How is that impressive...? But sorry, guess that made an awkward moment.FYL

AkshaySauce 5

"Marvel in the magnificence of my spider-murdering capabilities!"

desireev 17

I don't think that using the 'Go*-****ed' word is impressive at all! If you're going to curse someone, use your own name!

desireev 17

Yes, I am Christian. No, I am not forcing my religion on anyone. I just think it's tacky and extremely disrespectful to use those words. You don't see anyone else disrespecting other peoples religions. And YDI, OP, for trying to impress a guy with a 2nd-grade date-tactic. Killing spiders, let alone, someones pet, is not impressive or cute or admirable in any way, shape, or form.

Shut the hell up and go away. You take everything so Goddamned seriously, it's ******* painful to have to read. All you do is act indignant about humorous things that you clearly do not understand. BTW- What second grader do you know that goes on dates? Secondly, since when is showing a dead animal to someone a dating tactic? Just leave all public forums until you grow a suffficient amount of grey matter, you silly thing.

people like you are one of the main reasons i dispise religion. damn, ****, shit, sumnbitch, ass, hell, goddamn ************ etc. etc. are simply words. but theres people like you that have to ruin anything. but since ive broadend my mind and chose my religious standing; atheism it seems that no matter what were going to your hell might as well enjoy life as it is and suck it up or gtfo the internet and any open chat areas since thats what a majority of the world does.

Umm well god damned is sort of a curse but defending a spider? And to sensor it in your own post? I'm guessing your religious (no offense) but you need to just ignore little things like that

desireev 17

Excuse me?! A sufficient amount of grey matter?! Bitch, PLEASE! Come back with that nonsense when you get some 'grey matter' of your own! That's what makes this site so amazing! I don't have to go away! It is, in fact, a public commenting site! And I am free to express my opinion! And you are crazy if you think I'm going to take the advice to 'Shut the hell up and go away' from your rude, punk-ass! I expressed my opinion. And, once again, I was not forcing my religion on anyone! But I AM going to express my opinion. And I will do it where and whenever I feel like! Now cut your shit out and learn some damn manners!

Public? It's privately owned, you ain't free to say whatever you like, idiot troll. I hope you learn it the hard way with a boot up your ass.

MissHayleyJames 7

Desireev, I'm totally on your side. I say gosh dangit all the time because it's funnier too. I don't force my religion on anyone but I will share my opinion as well. If atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, whatever respect me and my religion, I'll do the same to them. If they don't then they don't deserve respect for theirs (or lackthereof) and shouldn't get pissed when we Christians treat them the same way.

I love religious people! So cursing and not living thy neighbor aren't important to you in your religious views? Just that people say God or God dammit? Calm down, time stated your opinion once, like you wanted, that's all that matters. Now respect their ways of sharing opinions too.

puppypuncher 5

You scooped up its's remains to impress him? How the **** does that work? "Look! I've killed a creature because I'm too much of a pussy to set it outside! Impressed yet?!"

You bastards have never watched nigahiga. Smh

TrollisMe 5

Well you punch

Dude it is a tarantula she was in shock and besides if you hold a tarantula the hairs go under your skin and you have to go to hospital dipshit

MissHayleyJames 7

Well damn so all the people who have them as pets and hold them have to go to the hospital every time? I held one at a museum and didn't have to go to the hospital.

stephanieeDawnx 0

86 & 116- The ninja glare is the shit. It used to be my favorite song. Cause I couldn't do the hand motion. :D

That little goddamned holy shit Godzilla spider!

bizarre_ftw 21

Better than Fredzilla (please someone get this reference)

nofearjenshere 12

Sleep with one eye open buddy, he's bound to get sweet revenge soon.