By FML Approved - 13/10/2017 03:00

Tree Fall Fail

If a tree falls in a parking lot and nobody flinches, did it really fall at all?

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Deep-seated resentment

Incognito browsing

They're everywhere

By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

837

You deserved it

156

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By Ahhwtf - 18/8/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45643

You deserved it

9758

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By 420SUX - 4/8/2012 06:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32892

You deserved it

9437

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2014 09:05 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47596

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8865

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2018 06:00

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3808

You deserved it

467

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By bookworm94 - 27/7/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51460

You deserved it

16609

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By trees - 24/7/2013 16:44 - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48202

You deserved it

2907

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By Stranded - 17/7/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63712

You deserved it

6655

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54646

You deserved it

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By KaYLa_LoUiSe - 8/8/2020 08:03

Narcissistic parents FTW

Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1372

You deserved it

170

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By 00sasori - 27/3/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38048

You deserved it

2978

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By XavierLing - 23/7/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1011

You deserved it

689

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By fuckingads - 13/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7528

You deserved it

2034

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By Crawling - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49948

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By anonymous - 30/6/2017 15:34

Today, it seems that getting an apartment with a couple was a bad idea. They agree on everything, so my opinion never seems to matter. FML

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2989

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By housematefromhell - 21/7/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3624

You deserved it

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By I hate retail - 27/11/2015 02:26 - Australia - Kensington

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25330

You deserved it

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By hannax - 16/8/2016 17:26 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15217

You deserved it

1671

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67333

You deserved it

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By sarahfromthesouth - 8/6/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43472

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By anonymous - 15/8/2010 13:12 - Netherlands

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38836

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 20:34 - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55067

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By Giraafe - 9/5/2016 17:53 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15036

You deserved it

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By trippybmth - 23/12/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31564

You deserved it

6872

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By Whoops - 6/6/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34591

You deserved it

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By tnt007 - 10/1/2010 21:46 - France

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8383

You deserved it

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By sevenshotmovie - 21/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Sheffield

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3009

You deserved it

491

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By OhDearGodGrandad - 7/2/2016 17:59 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27617

You deserved it

2117

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By overachiever - 18/7/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

79824

You deserved it

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By Obi1Shinobi - 30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28015

You deserved it

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By mandy - 23/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26818

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 10:30 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43483

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 17:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45204

You deserved it

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By future missing person maker person thingy - 11/10/2012 20:37 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41075

You deserved it

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By LoveTheElder - 11/5/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11930

You deserved it

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By christine brown - 26/8/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

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32802

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By notgoodenough - 26/10/2016 18:47

Today, I was informed I wouldn't be getting a raise because I hadn't followed the updated protocol. I said I was unaware that there was an updated protocol. My supervisor said, "That's because we didn't tell you about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13998

You deserved it

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By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13544

You deserved it

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By NotSoFunnyNow - 27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML