By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML
I agree, your life sucks 51 498
You deserved it 5 830

Same thing different taste

Top comments

omgitsmoe 26

3 people? That's one strong 4 year old


omgitsmoe 26

you have to swallow a baby in order to have a baby, dont you know? lol

That, and babies are delicious while being quite nutritious. This is the main reason why older women kiss babies and say things like "I could just eat you up". They are sampling the wares and opening price negotiations with the parents.

If she had swallowed the baby, she wouldn't have been having one.

Am I the only one who thought of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers?

incoherentrmblr 21

With lack of gender icon, I must ask, Fat Bastard is that you?...


79, you're like the thread jacking king.

Because babies are tasty and delicious

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Yes. I think that it's sweet that the kid cares about babies. He's just 4 years old. He clearly does not understand where babies come from nor the friability of pregnancies and thus he acted a bit out of hand. I doubt that it's as extreme as the FML makes it seem to be.

I see what you're saying, it's cute that he cares about babies, but, no, the way he acted is not sweet

Actually, the way the child reacted, could have harmed the baby. Imagine if OP fell or took a well placed stick to the gut. Alas, the road to hell is paved by good intentions.

The way he acted isn't. He could've hit her stomach.

rocker_chick23 27

It's not sweet. He could have made OP miscarry if he hit her in the gut.

3 people? That's one strong 4 year old

They might be putting protein powder in his breast milk.

I'd hope he's off the teat by four...

grapefruit_hd 7

I went back on it when I turned 50

Lets hope he won't harm your baby when it finally comes out.

I can't help wondering how old your neighbor is... He takes stupid to a whole new level if he honestly believes that people swallow babies to get pregnant.

He's four? So how could he? His parents probably haven't told him about how babies are made.

I thought that at first too, but then I thought that it would not take 3 people to pull a 4 tear old off of the OP so maybe OP meant that they had been neighbors for 4 years. It's a bit oddly worded. EDIT: Nevermind, I'm half alseep and slightly intoxicated.. commence the storm of thumbs down.

omgitsmoe 26

I can't help wondering how stupid you are

It says "My 4 year old neighbor". Which makes me pretty sure that he's 4.

No, OP actually meant "my four YEAR-OLD neighbors." The infants were standing up for their fellow kind.

it clearly says that he is 4 years old

No I have to agree that OP could have meant that they were neighbors for 4 years. I dont think thats the case but I can see how some on might think that. And 4 year old kids know how to cling to things. when my little bro was four, it took bother my parents, me, and my uncle to pull him off a street sign because he didnt want to go inside.

Really? You'd be laughed out of court.

TheNiceOne 20

My defendant is very sorry for hitting you with a stick. He's very upset right now because he's missing the "Dora the explorer" marathon right now. He would apologize for his actions, but he's barely able to talk due to this disease called Infantenza.

We the, prosecution, move that defendant immediately be given the chair your honor. *points to time out chair in the corner*

WinterBlue42 22
howlingwolf89 16

3 people for one 4 year old kid?

iJanisch 6

A lot of younger kids don't quite grasp just how strong they are and thus don't have the ability per se to grasp or touch things gently. That's why you hear stories about toddlers giving bodybuilders black eyes or toddlers breaking things. Then again, I'm not an expert on the muscular and neurological systems of young children, so you may want to consult someone who actually went to school for that.

I worked as an assistant in a school for a while and it often took a couple of people to stop a child. It's kind of an unfair fight because the kid is going at it full force but the grown ups do their best to avoid hurting them. I think adults are more aware of the damage they can do, so they're more careful. If a pregnant lady was involved though, I'd probably have cared less about the child because I would think she was more at risk from being seriously hurt than the kid was.

amberv61 22

You also have to remember that he has a stick. If you can't grab a hold of the stick right away it's not gonna be easy to stop him while also getting hit by said stick

It can be difficult picking up a four-year old if they are fighting you. They move their little bodies every which way trying to get down. Like 32 mentioned above, you do this while trying to keep the child from falling.

Yeah, 4 year olds can be squirmy little bastards. They flail about and it can be pretty difficult to get a hold on them if they're fighting. This could obviously be a good thing in a bad situation (for the child), but when you need to stop a kid from harming someone else, it's a detriment. It's kind of like trying to pick up a very energetic large fish.

did he hurt your stomach though? also congratulations on your baby.

I think your neighbours need to have a little chat with their son about the birds and the bees.

the son is four.. don't you think that's too young?

At least tell the kid that people don't eat babies to get pregnant.

avapaige1234 19

Well when I was a kid my mom told me that babies are bought in stores and inserted in the tummy to grow from baby dolls into infants. I guess that could be a good explanation for the mean time?

Thats....a terrifying explanation. It really isn't that big a deal to just tell them the truth. You don't have to put in all the gory details but you don't have to lie to them either. They probably won't care much anyway - it's just another fact of life to them. Unless, of course, you freak out and make it a big scary taboo subject.