Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my friend threw a milkshake at a guy spinning a sign on the side of the road. The guy stormed over and dragged my friend out the car window. When I jumped out to help, I'd forgotten to put my car in park, and it rolled across the street and hit a ditch. Then the sign spinner kicked both our asses. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was at a friend’s birthday party. I slipped and fell onto the table of presents, knocking each one of them over, pulling a muscle in the process. My friend bitched me out for not being careful and “ruining” his presents. I got kicked out. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML
Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML
Today, I bumped into a guy I bullied for years at a bar. He was actually cool and laughed about it, but my stupid drunk ass kept urging him to hit me because I felt bad about it. We went outside and he thrashed me. At least we're friends now, I guess… FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
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Top comments
OysterPearls 33
You should feel like an asshole, are you in sixth grade? I didn't know then"kick me" gag was still existent.
_FML_Austin_ 12
Were you not expecting some one to kick him? F that random guys life, not yours...
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Comments (91)
tony1891 22
kick me signs is so 90's.
False_Stupidity 42
90's? Pfft, those went out of fashion in the 60's!
MandyMeow_fml 18
You're a shitty friend and an asshole. You should apologize to you're friend and grow up.
LegalLoitering 12
Calm down, you don't even know OP
ethan_unoxx 29
you deserve it. you're lucky he didn't beat your ass.
alex101676 8
well you're a total asshole.
Capt_Obvious 11
King of assholes! But I love it!
dabears1011234 27
Its not that bad everyone. It could have been "stick a ***** up my ass"
Godsofdracos 15
Or "Grab my package like the strong, masculine, devilishly amazing UPS man."
otumboo 10
did you expect no one to kick him?!
thattunaguy 6
Dude, your a grown man, not a third grader trying to get back at some kid the took your chocolate milk. Do something better, like a bucket of pigs blood or something more mature
CharismaGeek 19
Just asking, OP. Why the kick me sign? It's immature enough and you should've realized that was a dick thing to do. YDI
Clawsified 6
Also, who in their right mind would *actually* kick another person just because a sign told them to?
Sinclair935 5
That's what I was thinking. OP didn't deserve it, the kicker did. Most people who see a kick me sign would just chuckle and move on with their lives. However, some people are dumb enough to do it. Softcore Darwinism at work here folks.