Love: Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through,...

By Achoo - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

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38810

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Love

BO Central

What did I do?

Reliable

By duCOQUELICOT - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML

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By cactii - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

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35347

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

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44911

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3585

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By froggylicious - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

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29907

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By kiwibox - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

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47991

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By dazedandconfused - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Happy Holidays!

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

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9607

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By -1 Pair of Pants - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

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10670

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By FML - United States

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

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42591

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By Oops - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

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7641

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By JadedBaker - United States

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

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39946

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By youdontknowwho - 10/5/2020 14:00

Forward thinker

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

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1472

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By iamshrimpy - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

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24975

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By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message saying that I was unfaithful. FML

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2533

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

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25644

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By Cellphonetroubles - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

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7662

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By whatiswrongwiththeworld

Tsk Tsk

Today, I was told off by a random woman who said that I should be ashamed of myself for dating such an older man. I was having dinner with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5785

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273

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By Crash44

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1914

You deserved it

226

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By Anonymous

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

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4616

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174

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By Gabi - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35064

You deserved it

6515

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By snortingspunk - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

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27271

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4069

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By jts - United States - Asheville

Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21334

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2373

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By Anonymous

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

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2362

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By Flarewolf - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

17008

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

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40380

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By omglifee - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

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23776

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4087

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By Jpev - United States - Huntsville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

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9975

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4236

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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34252

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By Andre - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

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31660

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9387

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By karmaquestionmark - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

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18065

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By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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44297

You deserved it

2620

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By kerdersty - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

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36430

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3763

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By dykerino - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

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38602

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7517

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By John_Elvis - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

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22239

You deserved it

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By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

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59576

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By ElizaWy

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

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12561

You deserved it

826

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By Depressed - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12221

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By ihatemondays - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

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22517

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14237

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By candie - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

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46462

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By Jes

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

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15815

You deserved it

1114

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By Anonymoosey - Canada

Relax

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

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35148

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Top comments

By stunty_fml | 0

#621891 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:28

That must have been like a live cartoon. Did you notice a comic bubble with "#&?!" floating above your head?

By Emperor_Jim | 0

#621911 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:42

Snot happens.

COMMENTS

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#621890 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:28

must've been tasty.

blairjanine | 0

#909403 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:31

salty

Mouldy666 | 0

#1038052 - Monday 21 June 2010 12:26

maybe that's how she likes it ;)

nicobington | 1

#1987619 - Thursday 20 January 2011 3:27

nice!!!!

dogpup4 | 23

#3649955 - Sunday 27 November 2011 23:31

Your picture made that comment hilarious and I don't know why, #1.

By stunty_fml | 0

#621891 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:28

That must have been like a live cartoon. Did you notice a comic bubble with "#&?!" floating above your head?

plum_lovin | 28

#5576554 - Friday 12 July 2013 9:37

That sucks for both of them. He was probably super embarrassed.

sayyestothedress | 24

#6008330 - Tuesday 15 July 2014 1:00

Probably gonna see another post about it except it's in the boys perspective

By Playdate | 0

#621904 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:39

That is siff!!

By Emperor_Jim | 0

#621911 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:42

Snot happens.

By xxcrazybestiexx | 0

#621918 - Thursday 15 October 2009 13:53

I think this is a FYL, that is just plain disgusting any way u look at it. How can someone even respond to that!

sayyestothedress | 24

#6008332 - Tuesday 15 July 2014 1:01

By slapping him in the face and then going to the bathroom to brush you teeth!! And then use 10 billion pounds of mouthwash!!

By Meme1988 | 18

#621926 - Thursday 15 October 2009 14:02

well, i see it a little funny XD ...poor you
at least he stopped and tried to sneeze

By perdix | 29

#621929 - Thursday 15 October 2009 14:03

Did he crap his pants at the same time? There's a lot of that going around these days -- sneeze-induced defecation, that is.

dalink | 24

#5355708 - Tuesday 5 February 2013 20:59

Dramatic increase in abdominal pressure combined with weak sphincter tone and a high fat diet. The perfect storm.

By ifinishlast | 0

#621935 - Thursday 15 October 2009 14:06

now if you said he wanted to re-enact two girls one cup, that woul be an fml. this ain't so bad

PandaPandaPandaX | 0

#622066 - Thursday 15 October 2009 16:48

Gah that just reminded me of 1 guy 1 cup :S excuse me while I vomit.

By Prawn_fml | 2

#621943 - Thursday 15 October 2009 14:18

Would think this is worse for him than you, to be honest. How did he react?

By _Noon_ | 0

#621969 - Thursday 15 October 2009 14:50

Eww.
Btw, this one is perfect for an illustrated FML :D

BravoUser | 0

#622423 - Friday 16 October 2009 0:21

You may now sneeze on the bride.