Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me.... - FML

By fmylifebadddd - 18/4/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

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Understandable

Tidy your room

In my day…

By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

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By Raw95 - 15/3/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

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By WorryNot - 29/12/2016 01:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, I accidentally left a small but very important piece of my breast pump at home. Only ten more hours until the end of my shift. FML

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By deweyd8855 - 3/7/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

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By Fauna - 9/5/2019 04:00

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

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By Jobby - 30/6/2012 12:48

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

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By Noname - 18/1/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

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By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

These jugs don't belong here...

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

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By LiliK - 4/2/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I'm starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML

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By tima - 27/6/2018 01:30

* backs away slowly *

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

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By logkitty - 10/4/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

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By fired tomoz - 29/10/2014 15:46 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

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By nobody - 28/2/2016 01:36 - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

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By anonymous - 24/6/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

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By manutdlol - 13/12/2009 06:15 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

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By Kit2019 - 23/7/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, I got overly excited because someone texted me, but then realized that moments before, I had sent myself a message. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

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By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

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By Amore - 9/12/2014 19:15 - France - Bois-colombes

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2010 14:20 - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

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By cowgirl - 6/11/2012 05:42 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 17:08 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

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By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 5/3/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

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By delicious - 6/1/2016 03:05 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

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By beekeke45 - 25/6/2011 13:39 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

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By lifesux - 31/12/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

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By essay2 - 24/9/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 04:11 - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

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By loser - 10/12/2018 14:00

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 20:02

Johnny Weissmuller over here

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

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By nilssonfan - 17/11/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

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By JT - 26/9/2015 13:08 - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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By EllieS9311 - 16/2/2016 13:16 - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

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By nooneatall - 15/1/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

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By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 9/3/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

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By lindaf - 2/6/2018 20:30

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

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By mississpissi - 14/7/2015 12:00 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

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Top comments

By phillip1337 | 0

#121878 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:08

WTF? get new friends ASAP

By 0___0 | 9

#121882 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:10

I agree with #2.
What a wonderful gift ~_~
I would be *pissed*.

COMMENTS

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#121871 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:05

Musta been quite a party after that one.

Reply

epicfailburger | 0

#879175 - Sunday 21 February 2010 17:27

he shouldn't be mad... he can sell the pee to A-rod and make some cash

Reply

jrkarikas | 0

#1056164 - Saturday 3 July 2010 3:20

a freaking bucket of pee? that's even worse then a regular bucket of pee!

Reply

sports_chika | 0

#1099249 - Friday 16 July 2010 22:40

expect the unexpected...7:-|

Reply

Toasty283 | 8

#5625264 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 6:20

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on

By phillip1337 | 0

#121878 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:08

WTF? get new friends ASAP

Reply

EmreArslan | 11

#3535744 - Thursday 3 November 2011 12:43

Dude thats how friends are :) especially when ur a boy/man dont act like he should get new friends, admit it it was hilarious :P

Reply

Jelbeztok | 17

#5499060 - Monday 20 May 2013 4:28

yeah play pranks on each other, but there is a fucking line and they crossed it. i would have tried to fight everyone on the room.

By 0___0 | 9

#121882 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:10

I agree with #2.
What a wonderful gift ~_~
I would be *pissed*.

Reply

rawrlily | 0

#1045990 - Sunday 27 June 2010 14:45

win

Reply

Cjmw | 7

#1450837 - Friday 24 September 2010 9:07

Nice hat :)

Reply

CalebEatsZombies | 2

#3727768 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:38

Lol pun intended?

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#121883 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:11

Ugh. Your "friends" are disgusting.

By laurisshnazzy | 0

#121895 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:15

Pranks are supposed to be funny, though.

Dump a bucket of shit on their heads, next time.

Reply

angeluv_2014 | 22

#5406206 - Friday 15 March 2013 6:52

Friends like that are only fun when you get to prank them back. I hate when people like to start shit and then get all pissy when you recipricate.

Reply

lil_ham1644 | 29

#6118576 - Friday 14 November 2014 16:43

This is going too far though. Maybe if it was water or beer or something like that. Not urine!

By LilRed | 0

#121897 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:16

Your friends are fail, trade them in for new ones.

By Kylaka | 0

#121898 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:17

I agree with 5. lol.

At least it wasn't pig's blood..(carrie) With friends like that, who needs enemies?!?!.. and the ol' bucket trick? Are they hicks?

By Mattardz | 0

#121915 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:30

Asshole friends. Spilling orange juice and just telling him it was piss or something is one thing. Actually taking the time to piss in a bucket and dump it on them? FYL

By Flying_Pink_Lulz | 0

#121917 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:32

um...eww...gross...FYL...your friends have a disgustingly weird sense of humour...*shudder*

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#121927 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:41

if you call those persons your friends, YDI