Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle...

By motherdearest - 21/3/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Car Wars

Healthy relationship

By Gjkashldf - 4/5/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

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By kaz89 - 28/10/2010 14:19 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

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By dogbreederssuck - 3/2/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

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By blueglover - 27/3/2012 07:40 - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

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By You Wish - 7/3/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

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By AllyCat - 7/6/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

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By MLeguillon - 1/9/2014 04:34 - United States - Imperial

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

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By maebyf - 31/8/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

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By Maiar - 13/1/2015 17:42 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

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By AV - 30/1/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

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By wtf did I do - 2/3/2012 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

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By replaced - 22/2/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

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By SadOral - 3/7/2019 00:01

Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML

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By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Some pain, no gain

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

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By misc - 10/2/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

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By APRRECIATION - 24/5/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

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By Chedder - 26/6/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

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By baybuh - 30/12/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/5/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By horp - 29/9/2015 22:00 - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

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By tommyboy783 - 20/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2012 07:24 - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

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By douchetard - 26/3/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

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By staciefacecat - 14/6/2016 01:03

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

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By GEE, THANKS DAD - 28/9/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

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By Randy - 13/9/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

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By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 01:30

Not fair!

Today, one of my teachers yelled at me for being two minutes late to class. He was so concerned with my punishment that he didn't notice the four other people that walked in after me. FML

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By carwife - 21/8/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

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By anon - 4/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

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By theregoesmyspermcount - 2/8/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Warren

Grandpa's got game

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

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By The Selfie Parent - 4/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

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By Mr_poole - 18/5/2013 20:06 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

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By shawty - 22/8/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

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By please stay on the line - 7/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

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By TheaterMom - 28/6/2016 11:12 - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

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By bitchsawmebuyit - 8/12/2012 17:12 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

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Top comments

By zach2519 | 0

#48876 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:12

Pics?

I mean of your mom.

By rickybobby_500 | 0

#48855 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:05

i bet your beautiful

COMMENTS

By Ahhem | 0

#48839 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:01

Maybe one day...

showrunner | 0

#978185 - Sunday 11 April 2010 23:31

hahaha yea just imagine you'll look like her when your older.

ydi for shopping at American eagal

ninjacapo | 2

#998436 - Thursday 20 May 2010 4:30

how can she possibly deserve it for shopping there. thts a bit stereotypical

iownyou777 | 0

#2470320 - Saturday 7 May 2011 2:16

both of u are dirty pirate hookers

caitlyndeon18 | 10

#2679180 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 14:11

that sucks OP but you deserve better :) someday you'll find someone who will treat you right

THEsuperMANLYman | 10

#5386096 - Wednesday 27 February 2013 22:18

YEAH GO MOM

By NorfolkDude | 2

#48843 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:02

Is your mom a milf? Probably so. Anyway, how is this a FML? If anything, you should be glad because when you're your mom's age, you're going to be getting the cat calls and whistles.

geagd1993 | 1

#2162068 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 15:34

haha milf milf milf american pie is awsome

MoodyBlue320 | 11

#3778938 - Saturday 24 December 2011 3:09

Been there... All the time. God, I'm so ugly. >_

By rickybobby_500 | 0

#48855 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:05

i bet your beautiful

By llSgtScopell | 0

#48874 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:11

Give it a couple of years. Don't worry.

By zach2519 | 0

#48876 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:12

Pics?

I mean of your mom.

By my_life_sucks7 | 0

#48884 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:13

I don't believe you. Who wistles anymore?

By speedingupoctave | 0

#48887 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:14

that's so annoying. it always happens to me when im with my mom somewhere

By warsaw_fml | 0

#48911 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:18

You're not old enough to shop for clothes alone + you shop at American Eagle = you deserved it.

On the bright side, you might look like her when you get older.

Metzler31 | 17

#965925 - Sunday 21 March 2010 20:55

what's wrong with American eagle? I shop there all the time... and my mom comes just to foot the bill, so I'd prefer if my mom came! saves me some big $$$$$

By alex_vik | 0

#48912 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:18

I clicked 'you deserved it' the second I read you were shopping in American Eagle.

By AutumnJazz | 0

#48918 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:20

You're probably 11. Pedophiles don't generally wolf-whistle.