Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone...

By deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 710

You deserved it 44 722

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Holy smokes

Mind the handbrake!

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 15:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 771

You deserved it 3 303

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 19:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 138

By lonesomegal - 30/01/2015 18:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 2 568

By kirsty - 08/04/2012 17:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 363

You deserved it 9 356

By Anonymous - 05/06/2011 20:45 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 345

You deserved it 46 145

By Bondi414 - 15/02/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 2 760

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 648

You deserved it 6 519

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 072

You deserved it 8 981

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/06/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 863

You deserved it 5 028

Bureaucracy

By CaptainStars - 29/06/2020 20:01

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 111

By coward - 03/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 712

You deserved it 2 006

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 797

You deserved it 7 649

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/12/2018 23:00 - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 318

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 056

You deserved it 6 029

By EveOnRoad - 05/05/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 229

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 07:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 641

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 4 531

By Dave - 07/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 000

You deserved it 2 532

Thanks, government

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 16:58

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 119

Small talk fail

By notapervert - 28/02/2013 07:57 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 39 545

By lurna301 - 17/07/2012 00:58 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 667

You deserved it 3 250

By BK2017 - 29/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 145

You deserved it 631

By lulumars - 14/06/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 742

You deserved it 2 616

By Pimpleeater - 20/12/2011 07:45 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 397

You deserved it 5 651

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 106

You deserved it 14 244

By rockytrolley - 08/10/2014 09:01 - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 3 656

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 16:58 - Finland - Nykarleby

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 132

You deserved it 3 362

By TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 006

You deserved it 2 117

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 278

You deserved it 4 341

Murphy's law

By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 28/07/2012 22:15 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 222

You deserved it 33 983

By jalisc512 - 21/08/2014 20:16 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 369

You deserved it 5 490

Letting you know

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 21:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply was, "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 496

You deserved it 46 401

Wake up call

By das_shizzle - 05/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 239

By fuckit - 23/07/2016 06:52 - United States - American Fork

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 1 185

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 548

You deserved it 3 010

By Anonymous - 05/02/2019 04:00

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 635

By tylah - 23/06/2012 15:11 - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 155

You deserved it 3 014

By icybrent94 - 05/08/2012 20:21 - United Kingdom - Arlesey

Today, I decided to have some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 172

You deserved it 40 324

The nerve of some people

By evecharneco - 25/05/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, it's been a few months since got fired from a job I'd spent two years at. Before getting fired, I trained the entire new staff, and to this day they still message me for help, even though I was fired months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 79

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Top comments

cbadbeachbabe 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

silly goose

gambol 10

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:34

breakin' up fights: yer doin' it wrong.

cbadbeachbabe 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

silly goose

s_p_e_b 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:39

oucch that really succks maan. try && stay out of fights nexxt timee.

FYLnowsuckmybals 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:53

I smell of WD40

zangledog 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:00

ur not even first...

infrared_fml 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:28

You sound like you deserved it.

AlexZB 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:37

its probably because you say words like whap and happy sacks

Dporter 0

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Monday 31 August 2009 9:44

OP, that's what you get for not MYOB!

epicfailburger 0

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 16:49

looks like it's an unhappy sack now

flakes_fml 0

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 4:17

YDI for having happy sacks

mccaincracker 6

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

Owned LOL...

ezdosremember 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 5:11

donkey b0ner!

beelzebub777 0

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Monday 31 August 2009 6:49

agreed lol. I don't know if "right," was the right choice of words for the situation. They didn't think you wanted to join, they just "whapped" your "happy sacks" for fun. I know I would have. This story made me laugh.

Moooooo_fml 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 12:28

lol happy sacks

blankaex 0

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Friday 28 May 2010 16:29

If you're a teacher, you have a bad choice of words, but it sounds like you're a student. The kind that sucks up to teachers and makes everyone do the right thing and cocky and all thar, so YDI.

Charlesdenfreude 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

Well isn't that sad

Daaniellee1234 8

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:33

I would have just stood there and watched. Why try to stop it ? Its just going to happen somewhere else if it gets stopped.

the_stereotype 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:21

i'm not trying to just shove a cheesy moral at you or anything, but there's this saying that goes something like "the one that is worse than a crime is to watch a crime happening and do nothing."

the_stereotype 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:23

but i agree...breaking up a fight wasn't the best way to go. you probably should have gotten a teacher or something (if it was at school) or just someone with authority.

arsewipe92 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 3:13

YDI for using the term "happy sacks."

cheesesoda 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 3:50

There's a difference between sitting idly by while an old lady gets mugged and allowing two (or more) idiots knock each other silly.

darren824 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 4:38

how is watching a crime worse than doing it

CFR 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 5:19

Are you serious #90? How would you feel if you were getting the shit kicked (or stabbed) out of you and a huge group of people stood by and did nothing even though they were perfectly capable of helping you? It's called bystander syndrome, and it's the same as murder.

brutallyhonest24 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 5:41

nope, that old saying is really just something they made up to get stupid people hurt because in those days they didnt have internet to keep themselves entertained. just joking, but seriously if someone is going to try to break up a fight they better make sure they are capable of beating the living crap out of the other person first.

moonlight_daze 8

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Sunday 30 August 2009 9:00

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." -Albert Einstein

Beckaley 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 16:23

And he deserves it for yelling "Right!" as he went to break up the fight. He is realllllly making himself seem like geek trying to look tough.

abcdefg52 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 20:35

I agree, how is watching a crime worse than doing it? It's still pretty bad, but it's not as worse as making the crime, and can't in anyway be compared to murder, like #104 does.

allysonnn 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:33

LOL! that sucks tho :( you should stay away from fights

wyld3fyr3 3

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:33

lol 4th

happyvalleygirl 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:34

lol fail

jess_00 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 5:13

lol

Link5794 18

Saturday 4 September 2010 21:16

I think 6 was lol'ing at 4's comment, not saying he was 4th. Btw, why the FUCK would someone say "Right" immediately before going to break up a fight?

gambol 10

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:34

breakin' up fights: yer doin' it wrong.

CL41RE 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:35

CL41RE 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:36

U mean 9th. -._.-

22jrdn55 15

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:37

wtf i swear i was 6 when i wrote it but just in cas wrote seventh

fmlfmlfml15 0

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Monday 31 August 2009 3:32

organisedchaos, i didn't even think that was possible

DameGreyWulf 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:36

I guess you're a teacher, or of some authority? Because if not, then YDI. Not your duty, not your trouble. Shoulda just went and reported it if you cared so much.