Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching...

By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

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Health

Serious times

Official meeting

Go vegan

By krt - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 23:00

Sibling rivalry

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

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By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

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By john - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

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By bigbaby - United States - Saint Michael

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

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By Anonymous

They'll hear you coming

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

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By black hoodie - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

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By still had to pay - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

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By NoNaMe - Australia

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

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By Jman6295 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

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By Faker - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

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By kawood - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

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By sandwichmaker - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

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By Maddie

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

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By Wilhelm - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

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By Longhorn2011 - United States

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

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By Weirdo - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

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By doggone - United States

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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By Kelly - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

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By gumchuck - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

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By Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 17:00

Inappropriate crush

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

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By embarassinggg - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:08 - United States - Sacramento

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

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By The Horrible Older Sister - United States - Phoenix

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

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By Bob smith - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

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By hmmmm - Australia

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

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Top comments

By maskedman | 9

#882087 - Monday 22 February 2010 13:24

now you know your boyfriend will tell the story of how he accidentally punched you in the face to someone else. this will result in another punched face. somebody needs to stop this vicious storytelling cycle before the whole world gets punched in the face.

By imanethesmart | 0

#882010 - Monday 22 February 2010 12:49

Is your boyfriend's name Chris Brown?

COMMENTS

By Spyrunner | 0

#881921 - Monday 22 February 2010 12:19

Sorry

crackiebob | 0

#881926 - Monday 22 February 2010 12:20

fail

Melkezidech | 0

#881962 - Monday 22 February 2010 12:27

A cup of Ramen makes it all better.

rawriown | 0

#882168 - Monday 22 February 2010 14:33

lmfao

_swimcutie_ | 0

#882189 - Monday 22 February 2010 14:45

One word. FAIL..

Tripout | 0

#882372 - Monday 22 February 2010 16:25

YDI for standin in arms length of him. 

brianred5 | 0

#882430 - Monday 22 February 2010 16:47

break his nose back

thor89 | 0

#882978 - Monday 22 February 2010 22:07

I"ll Chris Brown a Bitch!!

ILikePopCorn | 0

#884061 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 3:52

haha, i think that he just made up the whole intire story just to be able to punch you in the face. that or you have bad luck. but i go for the first one. ;-)

Fatalally | 4

#884137 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:16

There's nothing wrong with it if you yell surprise. Surprise! * Back's up slowly...runs away screaming* lol

shadaboo2014 | 0

#884151 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:22

#43 it's her boyfriend u dummy

michael32123 | 0

#884567 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:54

agreed with 59.. he Chris browned ur ass

cellycrunk | 16

#1040878 - Thursday 24 June 2010 7:46

how many times must he repeat this story before he realizes he's going to hit people everytime? :)

By Foxracingluver | 0

#881925 - Monday 22 February 2010 12:20

second.... not that it matters hehe

xHabsfanx | 0

#882094 - Monday 22 February 2010 13:34

Keep on trolling, trolling
trolling for the world to change,
one day our trolling generation will rule the FML population

Sorry a John Mayer song was on as I was posting this...
OP, next time stand a metre away from your boyfried when he tells you stories.