Health: Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 37

27/06/2016 16:33

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 1 368

Taking stock

Best teeth in the game

I blame the parents

18/02/2010 20:12

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 016

You deserved it 3 008

12/05/2011 21:45

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 829

You deserved it 5 324

16/10/2010 05:26

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 641

You deserved it 41 992

04/05/2009 16:51

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 971

You deserved it 12 657

20/11/2009 13:56

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 40 571

31/08/2011 06:34

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 603

You deserved it 2 976

15/01/2009 02:25

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 2 695

Fetish

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 253

13/01/2013 05:27

Spicy

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 112

You deserved it 5 014

01/07/2015 18:56

Spicy

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 2 473

11/10/2015 11:45

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 065

You deserved it 46 461

23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 243

You deserved it 4 128

28/04/2012 18:28

Spicy

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 273

You deserved it 15 666

25/06/2014 04:29

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 778

You deserved it 6 105

Dirty work

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 19:01

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 93

01/10/2014 02:20

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 11 961

27/02/2016 07:25

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 1 298

26/11/2012 23:11

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 652

You deserved it 2 794

29/09/2015 03:18

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 8 995

06/08/2009 13:35

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 568 947

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 71

05/02/2013 16:18

Spicy

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 278

You deserved it 13 849

08/12/2010 17:07

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 821

You deserved it 34 203

01/10/2018 10:30

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 810

You deserved it 149

22/06/2009 20:06

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 058

You deserved it 4 279

12/06/2010 18:55

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 8 023

Fast food dinner

By anonymous - 18/12/2019 20:00

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 171

TMI

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 13:00

Spicy

Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included in the photo of the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 2 374

24/10/2018 23:00

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 316

Whooped

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 124

20/01/2013 21:36

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 749

You deserved it 7 991

02/10/2012 13:11

Today, I realized I might lose my job because some asshole customer complained about me to my district manager. His complaint? Girls can't work at video game stores. My DM agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 381

You deserved it 2 404

13/01/2014 01:40

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 101

You deserved it 44 164

08/02/2009 01:23

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 113

You deserved it 3 818

17/04/2015 06:24

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 2 904

05/07/2013 06:11

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 624

You deserved it 3 378

23/06/2016 03:09

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 523

You deserved it 1 990

08/10/2013 02:08

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 107

You deserved it 5 271

22/04/2013 23:37

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 656

You deserved it 3 716

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 13:17

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 442

You deserved it 1 559

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:25

Being a female is amazing because your uterus automatically senses when the worst possible time to get a period arises...shame on you for not giving it a baby OP!! In all seriousness, they can come early/late due to stress or changes in diet and vacations usually have both :/ I hope you came prepared anyway even though it's an inconvenience

ecce 20

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:29

This happens to me all the time and it's the woooooorst.

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:25

Being a female is amazing because your uterus automatically senses when the worst possible time to get a period arises...shame on you for not giving it a baby OP!! In all seriousness, they can come early/late due to stress or changes in diet and vacations usually have both :/ I hope you came prepared anyway even though it's an inconvenience

hellobobismyname 24

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 0:57

OP have you heard of a menstrual cup? In my opinion it is the most convenient solution, if you're not squeamish about putting fingers in there. You only change it twice a day, and it's reusable, so it saves you so much money, and doesn't alter your Ph balance like tampons do. You can still go swimming, wear it to bed, and there is no string dangling out. And if you put it in properly, there are no leaks. It's definitely what I would use on a vacation.

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 1:32

#15 I was going to comment just that ; once you get used to it, it's a real game-changer !

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 18:14

its so fucking annoying seeing girls shove their period choices down other girls throats i see it all the time omg have you ever considered some people can't use them or just don't want to?

hellobobismyname 24

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 19:20

46 - Wow, no one is shoving period choices down other girls' throats. Mentionioning an option is not the same as forcing people to do it. What the fucking fuck? I started using the cup because it was mentioned on another period related FML actually and I thought it sounded interesting. It's not advertised because it doesn't make profit for big companies like tampons and pads do, and so lots of women don't even hear about it and it's good for us women to know about all the options so we can make an informed decision. It's so fucking annoying when people start shit over absolutely nothing. Sit the fuck down. (Sorry, this pissed me off more than I should have allowed it to)

ecce 20

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:29

This happens to me all the time and it's the woooooorst.

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:39

You sound like a menstruating ghost.

ecce 20

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 15:17

Plot twist: I am!

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:30

Your vacations seem to arrive...... Periodically.....

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:30

It might be caused from the stress or excitement

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:46

Ah yes...the magic of the uterus.

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Monday 27 June 2016 23:47

Literally before every important event that I wouldn't want a period during, it comes. But any other time it comes on schedule. The power of the female body. Smh

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 0:01

Literally.

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 0:02

They make delay pills

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Wednesday 29 June 2016 21:28

I've never heard of that? Unless you're talking about birth control pills?

kingdomgirl94 28

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 0:23

I fucking hate that! It happened to me all the time to. It's why I started using tampons instead of pads at the age of 20... Barring sex, they let you do almost anything!

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 0:30

Every. Single. Time. It's like they know