Health: Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside...

By eyebags - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

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Health

There's no helping some people

Zoomed out

Get it on, bang a gong

By Champs - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

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By Welshite - United States

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

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By grampsisgay - United States

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

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By sarah_sad - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

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By workfordayzz - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

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By ParanoidFreak - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

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By thatguy - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

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By Tori

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

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By Hayley - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

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By fisted - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

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By RectalSteve - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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By BlazefireSaber - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

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By Lexi - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

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By NewDrugs - United States - Charlotte

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

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By lostmystuff - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

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By clair_brodie

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

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By Crash - United States - Hicksville

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

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By marray - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

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By coinoperatedgirl - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

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By this guy - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

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By sneeuwbal - Belgium - Dilbeek

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

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By travelsickness - United Kingdom

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

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By fatman - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

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By #MurrayShow

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hatfield

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

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By JulieClaire

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

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By stargirl - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

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By woahitbechels - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

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By elena02 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6701322 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:25

I imagine the Mona Lisa was painted as similar proof.

"Hey, Lisa, if your eyes were turned upside down, they'd look the same. Lenny, get over here and paint her."

"Please, it's Leonardo. And okay…"

By mermaidkeels | 26

#6701325 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:34

I think your roommate has a little too much free time on her hands...

COMMENTS

By srhearrell | 21

#6701317 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:04

Well I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that you are beautiful.

Tripartita | 44

#6701320 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:11

I hope that no matter what people say, OP knows their hair smells fantastic.

Would anybody care to contribute another vague presumption of their own?

Lalala579121 | 27

#6701336 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 8:47

I hope that no matter what people say, OP knows that they will be wealthy and successful.

Michaelsupset | 14

#6701350 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 10:38

Well I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that this type of comment is feel-good bullshit

hellnosucka | 27

#6701390 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 14:39

I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that you are a 5'6 foot, dark haired and brown eyed person. (I based this vague presumption using the method of probability)

By captain_hero89 | 21

#6701318 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:09

sounds like your roommate really enjoys looking at you

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6701321 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:14

Sleep, you should try it. It does wonders for those bags under the eyes.

TaysDarkLust | 11

#6701324 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:28

How long should I sleep for...? 16 hours? 24 hours?! A whole year? Mine are deep permanent dark purple circles. Always

Oh well, there's makeup for that :p

By Tripartita | 44

#6701322 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:25

By qteabutt | 12

#6701323 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:26

I don't know if I'm the only one but I always found the dark circles around eyes to be rather cute. Anyways its ok OP if you don't like them there's always a way to get rid of them.