Health: Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside...

By eyebags - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10357

You deserved it

885

Favorite

Health

Sorry…

Bushy

Bodyshaming

By Peppermint - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23305

You deserved it

5339

Favorite

By rioght onnn - Canada

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15870

You deserved it

43637

Favorite

By ewwgross - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38098

You deserved it

3638

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21053

You deserved it

10507

Favorite

By yupppp - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34085

You deserved it

3918

Favorite

By MessedXUp - United States

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19428

You deserved it

47228

Favorite

By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13697

You deserved it

39284

Favorite

By Sodapop40 - 21/6/2020 05:05

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1442

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By copmagnet - United States

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12471

You deserved it

43328

Favorite

By TriangularBanana - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13990

You deserved it

1567

Favorite

By VeeDubDisaster - United States

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14249

You deserved it

28420

Favorite

By jayc80 - Bermuda

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52956

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By liynda - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34006

You deserved it

15524

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11794

You deserved it

66760

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35688

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By livvlynette - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26050

You deserved it

4242

Favorite

By maddy - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13009

You deserved it

23716

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 06:32 - India - Kaul

I don't need to see this

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

669

You deserved it

273

Favorite

By Inthedumps - United States - Jerseyville

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44818

You deserved it

3588

Favorite

By gingerbetty - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35951

You deserved it

4683

Favorite

By pissed - United States

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48037

You deserved it

6985

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19505

You deserved it

2648

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2021 03:31 - India - New Delhi

Walk the line

Today, I got dumped for not "walking the talk" by someone who'd laid a whole bunch of relationship ground rules on day one, and conveniently violated each one of them in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

834

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35779

You deserved it

8785

Favorite

By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31789

You deserved it

3575

Favorite

By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39590

You deserved it

4305

Favorite

By chinchilla4404 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25115

You deserved it

72102

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4080

You deserved it

263

Favorite

By Cherrish it - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10572

You deserved it

58690

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10841

You deserved it

55406

Favorite

By auslander - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58346

You deserved it

7821

Favorite

By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35267

You deserved it

3697

Favorite

By clairebear99 - 8/6/2021 08:01

Mask confusion

Today, my coworker screamed at me for once again calling her by a different coworker's name. They have the same hair, skin color, and body type, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

324

You deserved it

1305

Favorite

By anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33308

You deserved it

4290

Favorite

By hnickell93 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27661

You deserved it

5374

Favorite

By unknown - France

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51190

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36444

You deserved it

3215

Favorite

By Puzzlepiece - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47151

You deserved it

6583

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3445

You deserved it

412

Favorite

By yulis - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51355

You deserved it

7260

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6701322 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:25

I imagine the Mona Lisa was painted as similar proof.

"Hey, Lisa, if your eyes were turned upside down, they'd look the same. Lenny, get over here and paint her."

"Please, it's Leonardo. And okay…"

By mermaidkeels | 26

#6701325 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:34

I think your roommate has a little too much free time on her hands...

COMMENTS

By srhearrell | 21

#6701317 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:04

Well I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that you are beautiful.

Tripartita | 44

#6701320 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:11

I hope that no matter what people say, OP knows their hair smells fantastic.

Would anybody care to contribute another vague presumption of their own?

Lalala579121 | 27

#6701336 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 8:47

I hope that no matter what people say, OP knows that they will be wealthy and successful.

Michaelsupset | 14

#6701350 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 10:38

Well I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that this type of comment is feel-good bullshit

hellnosucka | 27

#6701390 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 14:39

I hope that no matter what people say, you remember that you are a 5'6 foot, dark haired and brown eyed person. (I based this vague presumption using the method of probability)

By captain_hero89 | 21

#6701318 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:09

sounds like your roommate really enjoys looking at you

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6701321 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:14

Sleep, you should try it. It does wonders for those bags under the eyes.

TaysDarkLust | 11

#6701324 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:28

How long should I sleep for...? 16 hours? 24 hours?! A whole year? Mine are deep permanent dark purple circles. Always

Oh well, there's makeup for that :p

By Tripartita | 44

#6701322 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:25

By qteabutt | 12

#6701323 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 7:26

I don't know if I'm the only one but I always found the dark circles around eyes to be rather cute. Anyways its ok OP if you don't like them there's always a way to get rid of them.