Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
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Top comments
swagisforchumps 9
Um... how did you learn that?
heinous966 15
Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.
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Comments (144)
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
No one would dare question that, Noor :)
tsent8 15
Not my fault if you made a stupid reference
BloodandIce 11
Somebody told me I raped his childhood because I said a Mickey Mouse cake wreck looked like a penis. His childhood is nothing compared to yours. I'm sorry.
laden_swallow09 35
The truth hurts. Penis-Mickey and "birderwauling" are some of those things you have to let go and laugh about it. As for the usage of "raping" someone's childhood just because of THAT is nothing short of an overreaction. Did you at least call for a Waaahmbulance?
Factor_fml 6
Your parents love each other, the horror, childhood gone forever.
DomDomxoxo 16
Penguinbitch: this is really off-topic! I did exactly what you wrote in your profile! I feel like an idiot!
sweetmama88 6
That's terrible,
DudeEvil 22
Complex algorithms that our minds cannot even begin to comprehend? :P Maybe Ezio can explain.
ADC_Lover_2011 18
q
chellyX92 8
R?
klovemachine 24
S?
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Tweety bird will never the same.
RedPillSucks 33
Tweety with a smile on her face. Puddy Tat with a smirk. Tweety: Come here you bad ol puddy tat!
Axipiter 24
Haven't you heard?