Intimacy: Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the...

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

agreeclassic 45 230

vote type 1 3 242

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By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

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By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

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By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

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By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

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By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

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By frenchpop1960 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

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By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

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By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

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By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

agreeclassic 25 713

vote type 1 2 390

swagisforchumps 9

Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:28

Um... how did you learn that?

heinous966 15

Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:28

Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.

Comments

swaroop2615 5

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:50

be glad tht it sounds like a bird

HarleyGal12 18

Tuesday 3 November 2015 7:22

I pictured your mom chirping

TheRareDoge 12

Wednesday 30 March 2016 21:51

Damn nailed so hard she sounds like a bird....good for her! O.O

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Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML

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Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

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Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

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Today, I started yoga to help with my stress and overall health. I also got a "hit by a truck" migraine in the middle of my second downward dog pose, and spent the last 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson curled up in fetal position on my new yoga mat. FML

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