Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
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Top comments
swagisforchumps 9
Um... how did you learn that?
heinous966 15
Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.
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Comments (144)
jmeshvrd 13
C-U-M-S: to have an ******. C-O-M-E-S: to make an approach. ******* idiot.
skikid 0
*cum
pattycakes25 6
Well now you no longer have to be fearful of that loud "night bird" coming to get you in your sleep.
Choconumm 8
childhood ruined
Sharkitaxrscary 12
Hmmm... I've always had a fear of birds. I think it would set me over the edge if my mum was one too.
Maybe1 2
I can juts imagine the OP going "Strange? The birds usually don't come out at his time."
101pimpdaddymac 6
beef and shit
Why_Not31 12
I found out that the noises I heard outside my window was our cats, torturing little animals to death. I fell asleep to those noises, thinking they were weird bugs. Nope, death screams.
yourwifelovesme 25
Sounds like she's a woodpecker
ABCurtis32 4
Omg. Mrs lassiter...