Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
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Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
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Comments (210)
perdix 31
Paint your house black so someone will spray-paint a yellow **** on your house. If the stereotype about Asian cocks is true, it will be too small for anyone to see.
lolbrick 0
i lol'd
ThatGuyFromNZ 0
awesome
hahafylop 4
Haha perdix you've done it again :)
lol_ironic_life 9
lol nice comment Perdix! I want to favorite it! Random comment - "I <3 massive **** too" hehe!
ilovesexywomen 0
LMAO
katgurl 13
I was waiting for an Asian post rofl.. I don't think most Asians can cover up a Black **** anyway. ;] HAHA
DaTurdTickler 0
at least it was a BBC you should be proud
jrod45 0
ye! ah ah! you know what it is!!! black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow!!!
jrod45 0
ye! ah ah! you know what it is!!! black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow!!!
TryptamineDreame 0
It's black history month. The person that did this is probably just trying to remind you by drawing a big fat black dick on your house. At least keep it up until March :)
yourlifesfucked 0
Simple fix. turn the balls into fuel tanks and tell everybody it's a rocket ship.
kaoriblossom 8
Ha :D
WRvV 1
first primer...
Iwantskittles 0
maybe you have a black penis?
megsie19 0
Mmmm ****. ;)
jayalexander 7
hahaha at least its big