Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (210)
ImRickJamesBish 0
LMAO someone doesn't like the new color.
Kiyoha 0
I bet there are going to be lots of YDI-s for painting the house yellow. FYL. ↲↲
lolbrick 0
YDI for painting your house yellow.
The_Fonz_fml 0
painting your house yellow when trying to sell it helps bring in more money
nebula748 14
YDI for painting your house yellow.
lolbrick 0
you should when you paint your house yellow.
CruelHumor 0
paint a big black whole to another dimantion :)
tammy0312 6
I don't really care about typo's, mispelled words, or punctation being misused. But seriously if you're going to use a word that isn't in your vernacular at least look it up before you make a fool of yourself.
lolbrick 0
i think you're overlooking the main issue. you can clearly see how big of an egotistic douche he is from his FML profile.
tammy0312 6
I hadn't noticed until now. His picture had already repelled me from any further insight.
skorpien 1
You mean like the hole* to another dimension* that resides in your head? My brain just cried at the thought of another of its kind being so horribly neglected and malnourished…
kellyisyllek 0
do you mean vocabulary instead of vernacular?
CruelHumor 0
some1 have time to check the spelling of my comments here and write a paragrath about it. that should be a fml post. xD!!
neonsugarXx 0
*dimension ... -.-
ImRickJamesBish 0
Yellow is an ugly color to choose for a house tho lol
xxcrayonsxx 0
not really
jenniferunicorn 5
it depends
Alanah101 0
Maybe you can turn that in to a butterfly? :-/
lolbrick 0
or a giant ****!
blackdog6969 0
win
muffpuncher 0
the same is true for Asian women.
pman590 8
oil!
xStiina 0
I like ****.
davidjr_saldana 0
whaaaat? dude so ur telling me u don't like it?!?!?!? all that time i spent on it :( i only did it cuz u said u liked that song black & yellow, & cocks i put 2+2 together & i thought i gave you a nice gift
palmer2244 0
(;
jonseyop 0
Do you like me? I'm a bit of a **** to be honest
DaTurdTickler 0
5 dolla sucky sucky?
KVloveBC 0
She's f*cking 16!!! Perverts!! Stupid girl! How the hell do you like **** already???!!!!
KVloveBC 0
She's f*cking 16!!!! Perverts!! How the f*ck do you like **** at 16?!!! Unless you're talking about chicken!!! Stupid girl!!
KVloveBC 0
She's f*cking 16!!!! Perverts!! How the f*ck do you like **** at 16?!!! Unless you're talking about chicken!!! Stupid girl!!
DaTurdTickler 0
lunch starts at 12 get over it
gregory11218 0
lol really??
tweetbaby14 18
KLoveBC, the obvious answer is she's a *****.
kahbrah 3
ever heard of 16 and pregnant???? shouldn't be such a shocker people
tammy0312 6
YDI for painting your house such a horrendous colour!
JpasDa1 2
**** you OP. You asked for it when you painted your house that horrific color... Dick