Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
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Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
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Comments (210)
auntiemomma 0
sex fir all
TypoH 7
black and yellow , black and yellow. You know what it is !
JNor99 0
Tiger Woods!???
Kiyoha 0
Yellow isn't that bad. My great-grandparents' big old farmhouse used to be yellow and it looks very nice in pictures. But the Communists took it away after World War II. We got it back after the cursed USSR collapsed and Estonia regained independence, but of course it was in a horrible state. However, it was renovated and now it's a lovely sight, but I still think it looked better when it was yellow.
lolbrick 0
WTF? nobody wants to hear your life story.
Kiyoha 0
#37 LOL It's not my life story. I wasn't even alive at that time, I was born 4 years after the USSR collapsed. But yeah, I got kind of carried away. The point was that yellow can look good (and maybe I was trying to hint that I dislike the USSR and communism) ↲Well, obviously you're nobody, since you just read (most of) the story.
The_Fonz_fml 0
the soviets were reds not yellow
Kiyoha 0
#47 No sh*t, Sherlock. My homeland was occupied by communists for nearly half a century, I would know. No one said they were yellow. ;)
lolbrick 0
again. more info than people care about. do you ever stop to think "do people even give a shit about what I'm saying"? if not, i suggest doing that more often.
Kiyoha 0
#52 Do you? If you don't like my comments, why do you read and reply to them? If people don't care any more, then I don't want them to converse with them.
Kiyoha 0
#65 * I don't want to converse with them
lolbrick 0
lol you consistently show how stupid and annoying you are. keep it up.
DaTurdTickler 0
maybe you should make some friends to tell your wonderful stories to then you wouldnt hear FML'ers bitch about them
Kiyoha 0
#69 Yeah, I know I'm stupid, but show me someone who isn't. I don't believe anyone who claims to be smart. And I might be annoying, but what about you? You're lovely and perfect, aren't you?
russiianbaiibiie 0
#36 "kiyoha" to your comment 41.... What do you have against the USSR? Have you ever even experienced anything other people have in the world? Your so quick to judge. What ever happened to your families life should not affect your opinion on another society. I'm from Russia, I know what its like.. ugh people take so much for granted.
Kiyoha 0
#173 What do you mean? Yeah, I hate the USSR. My family suffered because of it, my friends' families did, several countries, not just Estonia, suffered. Why don't you ask why people hate Nazis? Stalinists were just as bad, if not worse, as Hitler and his followers. They took all human rights, every ounce of dignity and kindness, and just threw it all away. There was nothing good about the USSR. And I don't take my homeland's current independence and my freedom for granted. We've occupied by other countries for 700 years, after centuries of slavery, who could take freedom for granted? Yes, I know I've never had to face poverty, war and dictatorship, but I have empathy and phantasy, so I can think about the past and put myself in the position of my ancestors. I'm quick to judge? I've read books about the Soviet era and talked to the people who were alive back then. What else should affect my opinion about another society, considering I wasn't alive at that time? I never said I hated the current Russia. I hate the USSR. It doesn't exist any more. I don't know what it's like to live in Russia, I've never even been there, but I don't hate your country for the things bad people have done in the past. I dislike those bad people, yes, and their greed and horrid ideas, but I can't judge an entire nation just because of that.
Kiyoha 0
#181 Sorry, I wanted to say 'we've been occupied'
kahbrah 3
did someone spray paint a giant **** on ur grandparents barn???
deeters 0
draw massive boobs so the dick isnt as noticeable
lolbrick 0
i lol'd
dakota154 0
win!
Agithah 0
Ahaha. Wow that is embarrassing. XD
GoArmy6624 7
why would u choose yellow? hideous color for a house. ydi
cristy91 33
**I'm on my phone so I can't tell if you're a girl or a guy, so I'll assume guy** If anyone asks about it, tell them that it was from a long ago ex girlfriend who is still bitter that she will never find a dick as massive and ******-inducing as yours.
ce1ine 11
^ win
missrawrzy 0
that is why we hav paint remover
motero 0
I'm sure every girl on the block wants u now
underguarded 20
Seriously, why would you paint your house yellow. I have never seen any house that looked good Yellow. That's probably why your house was targeted. Either that or the vandal was trying to be butt. buddies with you.