Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in... - FML

By WasteOfTime - 1/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39243

You deserved it

3424

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Bad boys, bad boys…

Hello everyone!

By phuckbukket7 - 27/4/2014 22:08 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49568

You deserved it

8664

Tweet

Share

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/5/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59314

You deserved it

9176

Tweet

Share

By lawdwhy - 12/11/2017 22:09

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2962

You deserved it

428

Tweet

Share

By number2 - 14/6/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44918

You deserved it

4470

Tweet

Share

By "Kaluhaluha" - 14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2328

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By mimimi - 30/12/2009 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25832

You deserved it

5881

Tweet

Share

By bjevilcat2 - 18/10/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28150

You deserved it

4520

Tweet

Share

By swirkishly - 24/11/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25866

You deserved it

9979

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

2346

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49894

You deserved it

6980

Tweet

Share

By "vinyl_mermaid" - 2/3/2017 14:00

Exterminators are expensive

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6480

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By whipplewhip - 30/6/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54316

You deserved it

3574

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 11:56 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49561

You deserved it

4175

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33148

You deserved it

2809

Tweet

Share

By Bummed - 12/6/2016 19:44

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14838

You deserved it

963

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2017 15:00

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2991

You deserved it

457

Tweet

Share

By KismetSiren - 23/11/2016 10:30 - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9670

You deserved it

648

Tweet

Share

By buses suck - 15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26314

You deserved it

2215

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40517

You deserved it

3683

Tweet

Share

By Nish - 3/7/2013 08:11 - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49597

You deserved it

4152

Tweet

Share

By housebroken - 22/1/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23335

You deserved it

3303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 04:44 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34553

You deserved it

3535

Tweet

Share

By gonnabeunemployed - 8/12/2016 21:33

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8958

You deserved it

1688

Tweet

Share

By thanks sis - 29/8/2020 10:52 - United States - Hesperia

On a leash

Today, my best friend and I were supposed to meet up at an outdoor beer garden. We’ve both had a hard time with quarantine, so it was a great escape. Instead, she kept me waiting for nearly two hours before I finally left. Her excuse? Her boyfriend, who she sees every day, really wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1542

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By ihatelaura - 15/5/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32011

You deserved it

5549

Tweet

Share

By parentalnightmare - 16/4/2016 04:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21846

You deserved it

1380

Tweet

Share

By iet_Wyrda - 4/10/2013 23:00 - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43975

You deserved it

5659

Tweet

Share

By Lilah - 19/2/2012 00:29 - Canada

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31729

You deserved it

19428

Tweet

Share

By itsthebestdayoftheyear - 22/12/2015 12:30 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21517

You deserved it

1509

Tweet

Share

By Meow - 15/9/2009 13:21 - Singapore

Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35644

You deserved it

8076

Tweet

Share

By unemployed - 10/7/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39024

You deserved it

20808

Tweet

Share

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49168

You deserved it

3169

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 26/3/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32105

You deserved it

5417

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 05:53 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25383

You deserved it

40403

Tweet

Share

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29015

You deserved it

2407

Tweet

Share

By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2410

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By Braxam - 15/6/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47462

You deserved it

3608

Tweet

Share

By hdat - 11/6/2009 17:51 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72739

You deserved it

16141

Tweet

Share

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 4/8/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26876

You deserved it

2006

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57831

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By misspeg | 0

#649490 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:05

people can be so immature sometimes! FYL

By zombienightmare | 0

#649501 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:09

your neighbor must think your a dick

COMMENTS

By misspeg | 0

#649490 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:05

people can be so immature sometimes! FYL

Reply

seanreddog | 4

#649674 - Sunday 1 November 2009 22:33

Don't get your panties in a bunch. It was funny.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#650006 - Monday 2 November 2009 1:51

*psst* you're supposed to continue the chain. Only when you've drawn the penis on someone else's van will the penis fairy stop her shenanigans.

Reply

Penetration | 0

#650246 - Monday 2 November 2009 4:10

Ask your neighbors if they like your wiener wagon.

Reply

omghehehe | 0

#650358 - Monday 2 November 2009 5:44

hahahhaha!! love that!

OP: did u chuckle? :D ohh common, a lil bit? :D

Reply

Rayn4u_fml | 0

#656117 - Thursday 5 November 2009 14:24

(S)he's not immature, just committed!

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#649495 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

prettyvolatile | 3

#4594248 - Thursday 21 June 2012 7:13

Easy for you to say, not ALL dudes want a giant penis on the side of their van.

By seanreddog | 4

#649497 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:09

TACO!

By quarty165 | 0

#649498 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:09

lol, kinda sucks, but at least it's funny!

Reply

thunder352 | 4

#5883565 - Thursday 13 March 2014 5:17

That's the important part!

By zombienightmare | 0

#649501 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:09

your neighbor must think your a dick

By zoeeeeee | 0

#649505 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:11

I luv that red devil

By citycrazed25 | 0

#649517 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:15

thats hilarious

By arielhoee | 9

#649534 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:26

It was me.

By gpstyne | 0

#649535 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:27

that sucks

By moonsolomon | 0

#649536 - Sunday 1 November 2009 20:31

There's an epidemic of this nonsense at my school. 'Tis absurd.