Work: Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with...

By LynzG - 01/02/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 4 012

Work

Mother of the year

iPhone 8? So bougie.

Thanks for being so compassionate

By Toothy_Peg - 13/06/2009 15:13 - Australia

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 103

You deserved it 4 315

By ~~~~ - 27/05/2016 18:45 - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 342

You deserved it 6 015

Stinky

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 63

By Just..why - 25/03/2019 14:00

Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 186

By Shotacon - 07/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Woodbury

Today, while using the leg press at the gym, some guy thought he could use more weight than me since I look really young. He hurt himself. He then blamed me and tried to get me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 053

You deserved it 1 278

By cavallo31 - 28/06/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 892

You deserved it 862

By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 340

By isuckatlyfe - 20/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 843

You deserved it 5 792

By srhoa01 - 05/07/2016 06:42

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 216

You deserved it 1 582

By Awkward - 25/04/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 758

You deserved it 4 289

By godzilllla - 08/08/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 294

You deserved it 11 685

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I realized what pulling an all-nighter means in reality. You’re psyched and active for about two hours after the decision, then you plod along bleary-eyed for another 4-8, after which you inevitably fall into bed, only to end up tired and with a fucked-up sleep cycle for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 662

You deserved it 67 811

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 701

You deserved it 3 975

By Dirtbikesnowboard - 09/11/2016 19:00 - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 524

You deserved it 637

High on emotion

By Anonymous - 10/07/2020 05:00

Today, a woman I’ve liked for years falsely claimed to be strung out on crystal meth rather than just turning me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 123

By m0m - 04/03/2016 14:01 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 1 655

How does that work?

By Denise - 26/07/2020 17:00

Today, the girl I hired and trained took my director's position. She's not even been there a month. I didn't do anything to lose it, they just decided she was more qualified. At least I was good at picking employees I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 602

You deserved it 62 173

By OverWorked1 - 20/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 316

You deserved it 24 190

By lucywatson - 06/05/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 277

You deserved it 864

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 125

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15 - Canada

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 416

You deserved it 5 046

The Little Sperm That Could

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 885

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 7 050

By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 12:49

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 309

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 730

You deserved it 35 343

By brob56 - 23/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 82 564

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 790

You deserved it 30 612

By Anonymous - 16/06/2014 15:24 - Germany

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 063

You deserved it 8 773

By adopteddd - 28/06/2011 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 511

You deserved it 3 063

By -_- - 28/07/2013 22:58 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 696

You deserved it 7 533

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 628

You deserved it 6 581

By brittaneejanex - 02/06/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 4 613

By pigeons_suck - 11/05/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343

You deserved it 2 793

By ReallyNow - 01/09/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 3 006

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 01:27 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 955

You deserved it 8 126

How to make a sociopath

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 14:00

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 139

Herpes goes to Monaco

By amethyst334 - 24/08/2021 18:01

Today, after receiving a negative herpes test four months ago, my doctor called me and told me it was a false negative and I’ve been living with herpes for four months. I then had to tell everyone I’ve slept with about it, and worst of all my new boyfriend broke up with me. All in one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 432

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Top comments

x_Cupcakes 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:08

And so you never know when he's referring to you...

afdude87 6

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:16

so your boss can't remember your name. maybe he's just messing around. wouldn't stress too much about it.

x_Cupcakes 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:08

And so you never know when he's referring to you...

TomasT 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 13:11

So, you are JD, and he is Dr Cox?

noto_fml 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 13:14

yeah It's cool for the boss to no your name for promotions or other opportunities, but if you were worthy of anything he would no your name. fyl tho

kile88 2

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 14:26

I don't think he likes you op

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 15:14

Dear Samantha, You've been an okay employee over the years, Mary, well that's not true Jane you just completely suck at your job, Sara. Sorry to tell ya this, Julie, but as of right now we need to terminate your position in Hookers R Us, Claire. Olivia, we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you, Amanda. Sincerely, Da Boss

cfalen 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 21:03

lol this reminds me of scrubs

Bekll 31

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 12:57

It reminds of the time Stewie from Family Guy was drunk and said to Brian "Peter... Meg... Brian".

marinus_fml 19

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:15

Luckily Ashley is a cross gender name!

afdude87 6

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:16

so your boss can't remember your name. maybe he's just messing around. wouldn't stress too much about it.

rockr_chick 5

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:19

maybe u should be more social with him OP, he might not remember your name cuz you keep to yourself all the time

lolbrick 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:17

its better than "sugartits" or "bitch"

KrazieKleo 13

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:17

Wow lol. You need to play name games with your boss..call him a dick or something and see what he says haha.

Alysin 14

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Wednesday 22 June 2011 5:34

I have a feeling if she did that the next name he'd give her would be you're fired : P

unfortunate_13 5

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:19

as long as you get paid well, there's no problem!

dre_bro11 12

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:20

OP, there's too much going on in the FML! Structure it properly next time, it's too confusing. But FYL anyway.

LynzG 2

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 16:11

it's very clear. if you don't like it, don't read it. and one persons opinion of Fml can be deferent from anothers.

DjeePee 24

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:20

Do you really think they need your name to fire you? OP, YDI. If it bothered you so much, you could just say it to your boss. Be assertive.

Alanah101 0

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:27

I don't see why you can't return the favor. By calling him something else, every time you see him. Just my 2!

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:36

I had a boss that used to mess with peoples names on purpose. There was three people he'd call by each others names, most people he'd mispronounce their name or call them a name close to theirs but not quite it and mine he'd just added extra emphasis in the middle for no reason. I thought it was funny. Just tell your boss your name, every time he says it wrong. And you may need to be more social at work.