Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
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Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
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Comments (210)
weepingpenguin87 0
you just have to prime first.
manbizzle 1
Black and Yellow! GO STEELERS!!
rlTlk 13
lol lol lol I have a dirty mind
EmilyTheLost 0
as they say. black and yellow :)!
YadiBoo11 0
Omg.. You Guys are soo RUDE..! I'd Kill a Bitch if They did that Lol
bakerb13 0
YEAH! uh-huh,you know what it is!!!! BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW
ryanalexander43 0
black and yellow:)
NightGod 0
1) Killz 2) Primer that matches the kind you used previously 3) Yellow paint Annoying, but far from impossible to cover.
OneEyeAskew 1
Faster than primer and and killz: use acrylic spray paint (from an art store) in a metallic color like gold. It will dry within minutes. Then just paint over with the house paint. Easy!
phreshboi 1
why the hell do you have a yellow house?
nerdsgetmehot 23
#184 Why is everyone so shocked that OP has a yellow house? I've seen plenty of yellow houses, and none of them were screaming neon yellow or anything. Certain colors of yellow can look really nice on a house.