Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
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Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
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Comments (210)
bigantennaemay 3
first of all, black and yellow sucks, i'm sick of hearing that shit-stupid song at work. second, YDI OP for painting your house yellow. yech!
kayastein 0
primer like 3 times then paint it again.... yellow sucks for a house color btw.
colpyrd350 3
hahaha classic.
debatingalways 0
at first I thought this said clock and was confused when you said black penis until I re read it. unless this was just some random tagging rebelness you must have pissed someone off OP.
ilovesexywomen 0
paint it white and then yellow retard
phorest 0
YDI for painting your house with a horrible colour.
LIFESKCUS 0
uh huh you know what it is, on the side of my house, I got a black dick, they say that's suckin, I tell em no it's for mad f*ckin, you kno all over my house it's black n yellow black n yellow, every time they come around they call me a ****** fellow ****** fellow
blcarter81 0
just add the finer details and make it real attention grabbing. turn it into a big old veiny **** and you'll be sweet
LIFESKCUS 0
So the OP is trying to say he's got a big black ****
emmiekinz 0
-adds to favorites.-