Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
cjlacz 0
Have you tried contacting them? Maybe you should stop waiting and do something.
spoo 24
The only way you dont get your moneys worth out of EH is if you dont put the effort in... they have help guides to explain how to fix whatever the problem might be for you... but a hint, if they had to tie a steak to your neck when you were a kid and have 3 kids then dont ask for Brad Pitt. Whatever the case is, sorry all you to own
WTFIWWP 0
yes, but have you tried to contact anyone yourself? It seems to be a big flaw on the site, if you don't contact anyone how can you expect others to do the same. Try contacting people, then if no one responds you can complain, well unless they can't respond because they are not paying members; you can always wait until a free weekend.
craziixxxhahax3 0
awh well i think internet dating isn't always the solution to getting into a relationship. in general, the internet isn't the whole world compact into google, etc. the real world is still out there, but its up to you to participate and be a part of it instead of relying on a website. PS: im not trying to be mean or anything -.-
Tim_Stanley 0
6 months and they still can't match me XD.
HeroicDude 0
I hear ya. It's because your matches are too cheap to pay for a subscription. I have the exact same problem. Actually I've been contacted. Once. It was during a free communication weekend. FML.
penisface69 17
have you ever contacted them?
halles 0
the eHarmony guy's my great uncle. i call him uncle neil. i'll be seeing him soon, and i WILL get a picture this time!
ashy_rawr 0
well if u contact them couldnt u get ur money back?
resolami 0
don't worry I feel you. women are shallow; I'm only 20 and have pretty much learned this as early as 5th grade.