Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML
Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
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Top comments
facefirst 0
That blows.
mykehawke 0
you can be my roommate anytime
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Comments (138)
CallMeHush 1
Please say your not a dude. Please?
FromCFL 0
OP has to be a guy. There's no real FML otherwise. (Of course, there's no real FML to the vast majority of postings to FML, so who knows?) Hope the fact that he likes to suck dick didn't cum as a cumplete slurprise to him....
xoxcinderellaxox 0
wait. so your a man doing a ******* to your roomie who's also a he, ryt? is he gay or just simply allowing it coz he can't find a girl.
larcenousturco 0
there's totally an fml if it's a girl... unless every girl likes sucking dick in their sleep...
Icutu7 0
I would beat the living holy **** outta my room mate if he didn't tell me, then I would clean my hands, mouth, ass for 2 weeks strait(unless the OP was a girl bur then it would just depend if the guys hot or not)
Zarggg 0
If he was pretending it never happened, how is this a FML? Have you been WANTING to give him a *******?
arioch_fml 20
Because after the first time it happened, he should have stopped the Op. Pretending it didn't happen? It means he wanted it to keep happening. That's the only reason to not tell Op about it.
Lucky2u 0
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Lucky2u 0
and that had to be a girl OP. No straight or gay guy would have pretended nothing happened if his male roommate was blowing him at night. he would have beat the shit out of him if he was straight or cum on to him later if he was gay (see what I did there?)
2Bpencil 0
just wondering, you've been subconsciously wanting to give him a head?
cowgirlabm 0
your right that is an FML its bad enough if your a girl but if u were a guy the next long hard thing my mouth would touch would be a loaded rifle barell
mckibabe 7
And a toothbrush