Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife stopped mid blowjob because it tasted too clean, like my mint shower gel. FML
Today, after her shower, my wife bent over naked in front of me so I went to dive in face-first, and she farted in my face for laughs. The thing is I physically saw some pieces of shit fly out and land on my shoe, and this was after her shower when she should have been clean as a whistle. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
This constitutes the legal definition of battery and a sane person’s definition of abuse. Get a divorce.
anon9878 7
Isn’t that assault or battery? That’s crazy, start to think about divorce
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Comments (7)
Anderling 33
Sucks for you but also that is a level of spite I want to aspire to
poopface82 25
This constitutes the legal definition of battery and a sane person’s definition of abuse. Get a divorce.
killuah210 8
😒
cuz803 46
C'mon, OP. Cut her some slack. She did everything in her power to give you the HOTTEST & SPICIEST BJ possible. If anything, it would be selfish of you to not match her energy and return the favor ;) 🌶🔥🔥
slhiggx 17
That’s mental. She caused herself some pain while trying to punish you. She needs help.
RichardPencil 32
I hope you came on her face! Ha!
anon9878 7
Isn’t that assault or battery? That’s crazy, start to think about divorce
RichardPencil 32
That's not a-salt, that's a-chili powder!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
She just wanted to get your chili pepper red hot.