Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML
Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
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Top comments
facefirst 0
That blows.
mykehawke 0
you can be my roommate anytime
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Comments (138)
ForestFire0 1
It is very creepy that he did not tell you this.
stuckonarock 0
wanna be my room mate :)
benshady 0
haha that's the funniest FML I've seen all day LMFAO!
Starfire22 5
How did you find out?
Brandosyn 0
@ 29 OP probably woke up with a spunky taste in his/her mouth.
morgan020 0
that's awesome. so how did u find out?
Bebeluz2010 0
r u a guy or girl??
azhein 0
why do you ask questions like that I have never seen the op get back on and answer the questions
katjafro 3
I have...
DameGreyWulf 1
Are you male or female? ... I just wanted to be included :c
i_is_a_tr00l 0
I bet it's a HERMIE!
Ninjaface 0
Wow, I bet that dream where your professor duct taped you to the bed and started ramming you is even more awkward in retrospect!
thirdbase1733 0
win
almostalbino 10
You are cool. Period.
perdix 31
If I were the roommate, I'd keep my mouth shut and my pajamas open.