Geek: Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when... - FML

By anonymous - 05/04/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 644

You deserved it 28 807

The smell detective is on the case

Another great day to be alive

First Dates

By kk - 25/06/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 219

You deserved it 4 761

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 009

You deserved it 2 776

By Ghost - 14/12/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 378

You deserved it 2 760

By loving grandaughter - 27/11/2010 11:28 - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 866

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 02:32 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 501

You deserved it 4 274

By Username - 08/02/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 796

You deserved it 15 304

By racchhh - 26/07/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 836

You deserved it 88 325

How do magnets work?

By batman - 04/07/2020 02:02

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 82

By 117halo12345 - 17/12/2015 21:37 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 262

You deserved it 21 634

By qwaynick - 21/12/2010 09:25

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 961

You deserved it 6 584

Shifting

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom is trying to be quiet, thinking me asleep. This means she will whisper to the dogs in the upstairs hallway, then quietly go downstairs where she will bang the doors so hard the house shakes. Apparently, she thinks each floor is in its own separate dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 70

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 05:00

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 298

By superstar - 30/03/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 163

You deserved it 90 947

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 21:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 970

You deserved it 10 580

By nobody asked you! - 25/03/2019 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 180

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 589

You deserved it 53 997

By StomachofTinfoil - 24/11/2014 01:59 - United States - Bar Harbor

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 3 578

Finishing touch

By pavloviankitty - 28/05/2021 02:01

Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 95

By teinage - 02/05/2011 18:47 - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 713

You deserved it 3 095

By barebackingit - 04/11/2013 19:17 - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 678

You deserved it 11 782

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 314

You deserved it 3 758

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 755

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 24/06/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 159

Weirdo alert

By imaginary coelacanth - 20/12/2020 14:02

Today, a customer came into the store I work at to ask why I hadn't killed myself yet. A month prior, that same customer told me to kill myself. All I did was compliment her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 59

Inspired

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Spicy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 488

You deserved it 22 271

By sad - 26/02/2010 19:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 334

By ouch - 29/05/2016 23:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 3 010

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 4 181

By goodbyeGPA - 08/10/2018 17:30

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 710

By missy - 10/04/2009 08:17 - Italy

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 558

You deserved it 9 561

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 545

You deserved it 11 994

By magnolia - 14/07/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 42 548

Wait, what?

By The Bosnian - 15/10/2020 02:02 - Sweden - Solna

Today, after I applied and interviewed for a technical position in IT two weeks ago, they informed me that I didn't get it, because I'm "too technical." How the hell is that even possible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 80

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 288

You deserved it 4 169

By jeremyr5678 - 18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 4 524

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 632

You deserved it 8 964

My lovely horse

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 08:01

Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 105

By Bengemon825 - 20/06/2015 19:03 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 623

You deserved it 4 161

By mainche - 20/01/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 6 782

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Top comments

buck33 14

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:08

But google knows everything.

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

Hey what's in the freezer? I dunno google it.

Comments

buck33 14

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:08

But google knows everything.

marzipanimal 15

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:18

It happens to the best of us hun.(:

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:58

Google does not know everything. Does it know the cure for cancer and aids. Didn't think so.

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:04

22- are you really that stupid? or just being a smartass....

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:08

He's being a dumbass.

ThisIsMyReign 4

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:12

There is a app for that OP. Haha. But that would be awesome to be able to google that. But, I have seen something about this before so, OP hope your not faking and coping what someone else said and turning it to a FML instead of a joke.

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:10

All hail the all knowing google...

allthatandmore 0

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:18

It's true though google knows all

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:48

You can't cure aids dip shit. It's a condition so unless you find a way to replace every white blood cell in the body then there won't be a cure for aids.

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Friday 6 April 2012 23:20

Hmm... ^ Yep just confirmed that via Google...

UnleashedKilla1 4

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Saturday 7 April 2012 6:53

22- hmm... Not sure if troll or just retarded as hell.

vocaloidtiger 12

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:11

This made my day xD

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Friday 6 April 2012 11:12

You must have had a pretty dull day tbh if this was the thing to "make" it

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:30

Sigh... She wasnt being litteral dumbass

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:11

Dafuq?

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

Hey what's in the freezer? I dunno google it.

ClassyCommando 13

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:24

"Oh...wow! That's some weird porn! I guess there's a fetish for everything...even cryogenics."

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 5:43

Thank you for repeating the FML.

ZTD09 2

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

With all the information Google has on you, I bet if they got some of their scientists and psychologists behind it, they could probably tell you whats in your freezer.

AugustBurnsToast 14

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:01

Sounds like google maps on steriods hahaha

Yourheadache 19

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Friday 6 April 2012 11:20

^ lmao.... This guy

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

that's just freezy.

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:34

Lolwut?

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:07

wow I'm ashamed to admit I actually laughed when I saw this post.

ProhibitionRose 14

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:37

I laughed at the stupidity of it. :|

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

What is in you're freezer? Wanna share with us?

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:45

a severed head

linkinpark98 23

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:12

Of Walt Disney.

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Friday 6 April 2012 9:12

probably a stash of pubes accumulated from the many generations before him.

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 6 April 2012 14:08

A dead dog...

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:32

Capitan America?

3kmtg 7

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Sunday 8 April 2012 4:58

I'm gonna go with nothing cause he was too busy on google to get anything to put in the freezer

woosah 16

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:12

Google the word moron.

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Friday 6 April 2012 11:22

Huh... Your picture came up... Funny that.

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:14

ahahaha. I did that just today! I tried to Google something super personal about a family member. Then I realized I was an idiot!

Yourheadache 19

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Friday 6 April 2012 11:22

Cool story bro....

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Friday 6 April 2012 8:14

That has nothing to do with your addiction, that's just being an idiot.

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Friday 6 April 2012 10:30

I think it's laziness more so then idiocy.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 87

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 158