Money: Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather...

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 010

You deserved it 3 791

Money

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

Ungeeked

Weirdo cousin

By notyourbaby - 07/03/2021 19:58

Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 66

By brokeandhungry - 04/07/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 082

You deserved it 4 766

By BroadcitySF - 28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 472

You deserved it 1 611

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 187

By crucets - 06/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 57 241

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 859

You deserved it 338 869

By chocolaterabbit - 02/11/2009 12:41 - Australia

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 079

You deserved it 4 457

By twatstick - 21/08/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 684

You deserved it 3 351

By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 675

You deserved it 6 732

Feeling let down

By Ryan - 27/06/2021 02:01

Today, after my fourth flat tire, I realized that I've had more flat tires in the last 2 years than months in relationships throughout my entire life. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 119

By anon - 03/02/2015 07:50 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 767

You deserved it 32 829

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 96

By anonymous - 11/08/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 7 224

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 738

You deserved it 91 709

By bl3ur0z3 - 03/09/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 968

You deserved it 233

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 5 688

Thanks guys

By daddy - 22/12/2008 05:43 - France

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where were the police? They were 500 m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 554

You deserved it 2 216

Fear of mash

By nekos - 02/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mother insists that because I won’t eat my dad’s mashed potatoes, it means I must think he is a bad cook and that I'm a disrespectful little prick. I wouldn’t touch mashed potatoes even if Gordon Ramsay made them, and I was on the brink of starvation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 255

By Sarah - 24/07/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 3 623

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 422

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 3 577

By unlucky - 19/09/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 097

You deserved it 3 052

By oh shit - 06/07/2014 19:28 - United States - Palatine

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 641

You deserved it 8 679

Goodbye Bill

By faith - 16/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 610

By fedemere - 28/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 858

You deserved it 4 650

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 113

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 768

You deserved it 3 455

By random - 08/06/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 759

You deserved it 16 807

Rock, hard place

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 20:00

Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 386

By Username - 27/01/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 2 840

By WTF. - 03/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was interviewed by a WalMart employee for a position in their pharmacy. I didn't get the job. I was more qualified than the woman who gave me the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 308

By vat - 25/02/2013 08:33 - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 304

You deserved it 3 635

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 224

By Rob - 09/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 962

You deserved it 6 988

By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 390

You deserved it 3 601

By daddyslittlegirl250 - 05/05/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 83 923

By Foxy0706 - 10/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I finally told my boyfriend I have a medical condition that makes me grow an unusual amount of hair on my face, so I shave every day. He said he was leaving me because he refuses to be with a "bearded lady". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 2 392

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 502

You deserved it 2 126

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 592

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Top comments

esines 9

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:01

Better get to eating Op. Btw that is a ton of groceries, especially if you live by yourself

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:34

I'd scream if that happened to me. My whole day would be udderly sour, and there's a 2% chance that I'd milk it for all it's worth. I hope you were able to moove your stuff to a working refrigerator. Sit on the cowch and hope tomorrow is a butter day. Good luck.

esines 9

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:01

Better get to eating Op. Btw that is a ton of groceries, especially if you live by yourself

andrealovvve 17

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 13:03

Maybe they have a big family and need that much.

nightbirdblue 27

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 14:05

Perhaps they do not go shopping often because they have odd work hours or a busy schedule?

KingReppin956 15

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 15:10

Lol no we spend 190. Sometimes & we dont even buy everything we wanted, only me (15 year old) my 8 yr old bro my 4 yr old sis & my mom. None of us our overweight at all

jessBeAqueen 13

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 15:50

groceries are expensive. I buy food just for myself and the total never seizes to amaze me. i guess if you want to live off of ramen noodles then thats a completely different story. have it 3x a day and youll spend no more than $5-$10 a week. you want vegetables, meats and dairy? itll add up

thrAsHeRr9081 16

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 17:06

I spend anywhere from $150-200 for just my husband and I.

Afroninja4566 21

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:02

Damn better hurry up and get it fix before the food spoils OP

Caitie_kid 8

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 16:02

Op could ask a friend or his parents if he could store them in their fridge/freezer until he gets things figured out.

Wizardo 33

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:02

Eat some of it and get it repaired, ask someone no shame in it.

Afroninja4566 21

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:03

Have an all-out party with all that food

naxeeb 33

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:03

You could ask one of your neighbors to let you keep your groceries at their place until you get your refrigerator fixed! I'm sure they'll understand.

Palirose 22

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:57

Unless OPs neighbors are assholes and say no or steal his food...

dread514 11

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:58

or maybe they don't have the space to spare...

MoronsAccount1 12

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:03

I wouldn't let it go to waste. Ask a friend or a neighbor if you can borrow some space in their refrigerator until you can buy or rent a replacement, and you'll agree to split the food with them.

paigexox0 37

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:07

Id invest in a cooler while you figure things out, good luck!

hghrider123456 9

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:08

Pretend you're a hungry hungry hippo...

paigexox0 37

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:08

Id invest in a cooler while you figure things out, good luck!

emirie 21

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:09

I don't understand why this was thumbed down so much. It's a good suggestion.

Queensland 27

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Thursday 12 September 2013 5:39

She posted it twice 51 keep up

morella_xx 29

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:18

I've had this happen to me. Buy a lot of ice (5 or 6 of those party-sized bags) and pack them in among your food. It should keep things from spoiling until you can get someone in to fix it.

morella_xx 29

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:21

Also, it sounds like the stupidly obvious thing to do, but my fridge fixed itself by unplugging it for an hour and then plugging it back in. It's worth a try.