Kids: Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what... - FML

By Alex - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19159

You deserved it

76661

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Sorry…

Messed up

By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59499

You deserved it

3815

Tweet

Share

By SweptWolf - 6/6/2020 23:02

Doomed

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1923

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By Carla

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3712

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26494

You deserved it

2890

Tweet

Share

By jo1429 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26429

You deserved it

5312

Tweet

Share

By DramaticSigh - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10573

You deserved it

35606

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1651

You deserved it

351

Tweet

Share

By Why? - United States - Saint Charles

Today, our dog died. My daughter was really upset about it, so my husband tried to cheer her up. "At least she will be doing something that she liked forever: Sleeping!" My daughter continued to cry for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22563

You deserved it

1968

Tweet

Share

By Kelly - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26546

You deserved it

11757

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 20:00

Cute nickname

Today, my friend with benefits texted me to say that his roommate had heard us getting it on, and had gone on to nickname me 'Giggles'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1196

You deserved it

485

Tweet

Share

By for shite's sake - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34502

You deserved it

3698

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9618

You deserved it

36820

Tweet

Share

By Hello Nurse - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29256

You deserved it

1755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36594

You deserved it

6173

Tweet

Share

By Flaps - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16020

You deserved it

38459

Tweet

Share

By WTF? - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51795

You deserved it

8158

Tweet

Share

By idiot - 28/6/2020 08:07

Double trouble

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1119

You deserved it

1528

Tweet

Share

By xoccerplaya - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24450

You deserved it

11279

Tweet

Share

By Angel - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25068

You deserved it

2140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 20:01

Grow up

Today, I was excited to go to a Japanese restaurant for my birthday. When the chef started doing tricks however, my spoiled brat of a sister started screaming and crying in terror. My parents insisted we leave and go to McDonald's because she was upset. She's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

84

Tweet

Share

By lolzor - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37439

You deserved it

105894

Tweet

Share

By okay then - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45718

You deserved it

3504

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48631

You deserved it

3421

Tweet

Share

By kylie b

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

You deserved it

4374

Tweet

Share

By Tony - 2/1/2021 08:01 - United States - Dearborn

Cats rule the world

Today, my geriatric cat apparently leaked a little before he got to the litter box because when I went to use the bathroom, I slipped on the puddle. My left foot slammed into the kick panel of the cabinet and now my second toe is purple, swollen and tender. I may have broken my toe by slipping on cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

758

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By alphabetman - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45844

You deserved it

6753

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40960

You deserved it

3616

Tweet

Share

By Fonz - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6501

You deserved it

56337

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richland

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25006

You deserved it

2211

Tweet

Share

By goodbyeGPA

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2744

You deserved it

705

Tweet

Share

By randa

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42509

You deserved it

16761

Tweet

Share

By Nick - Canada

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

87598

You deserved it

15765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

23287

You deserved it

2161

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23868

You deserved it

1590

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41203

You deserved it

3559

Tweet

Share

By ohgodwhyfml - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28779

You deserved it

3168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11022

You deserved it

81090

Tweet

Share

By - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2817

You deserved it

186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13651

You deserved it

1303

Tweet

Share

By DIY560 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39689

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By theauthor | 0

#59618 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:05

LOL
i had a similar experience when my 3 1/2 yr old cousin told me sadly that "tomas the tank engine is shit"

By Cogeno | 0

#59661 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:51

I remember my 9 year old nephew recently got suspended for telling the teacher to 'Go suck her husband' after she was giving him shit.

COMMENTS

By theauthor | 0

#59618 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:05

LOL
i had a similar experience when my 3 1/2 yr old cousin told me sadly that "tomas the tank engine is shit"

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#823585 - Thursday 4 February 2010 3:57

XD

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#938762 - Friday 12 March 2010 9:24

lol!!!

By PlasticShark | 0

#59620 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:06

Haha, my hero.

Reply

oliv34 | 11

#6326741 - Sunday 21 June 2015 6:40

the 90s called they want their hairstyle back

By roar__ | 0

#59631 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:15

That's the greatest thing I've heard in a while.

By emorockerownage | 9

#59634 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:19

w000t

By RyeBreadBoy | 0

#59647 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:28

hahaha hilarious.
you should teach him snappy comebacks on purpose just to amuse yourself.

By Jimboom | 11

#59650 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:29

Lol. The kid is well on his way to being one of the cool kids. Now, if you could just get him smoking and drinking he will REALLY be advanced for his age.

Reply

kateRAWR | 4

#4334833 - Saturday 21 April 2012 17:49

U got that one right

Reply

jimmy_vansuelo | 10

#5726914 - Wednesday 23 October 2013 16:30

You shouldn't ever have kids...

Reply

ml_augustus | 23

#6642194 - Sunday 3 July 2016 9:23

Wow great advice

By arby | 0

#59655 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:34

I forget the context, but I told my mother about something that happened that really sucked, her response? "that sucks... That sucks the big one." I was in a state of shock.

By were_giraffe | 2

#59660 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:50

they ALWAYS pay attention to what you say.

Reply

lucy331 | 0

#2668855 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:44

true that!!!

By Cogeno | 0

#59661 - Thursday 26 March 2009 12:51

I remember my 9 year old nephew recently got suspended for telling the teacher to 'Go suck her husband' after she was giving him shit.

By thekreeperkeeper | 0

#59664 - Thursday 26 March 2009 13:04

nice, my niece of the same age called me a cocksucker once....